Eragon's Top Secret Journal
by RosieBriggs
Summary: I am a big fan of the Inheritance Cycle, however have often been distraught at the lack of some character development on the part of the main characters. This is a fun, lighthearted spin of the Inheritance Cycle through the eyes of it's starring character: Eragon.
1. Diary One

Eragon's Top Secret Journal

Day One:

In teirim...

Can barely write letter things. Just got done with lessons with Brom. The Man tends to ramble.

Personal status: not king yet...

Day Two:

Raided big castle today. Got records needed to find bug guys. Note: castles made of stone, not plaster. do not beat head on wall. Am very tired now, but gotta see dragon.

Personal status: Still not king yet...

Day Three:

Left Teirim today. Big to do about getting out fast. Got chased. Was scared. Running for life.

Personal status: Running...not king yet...

Day Four:

Going to Bigger city, Dras Leona. Gonna get revenge on bug guys. Flew on dragon, Saphira, almost fell off. Did not think dragons could laugh. Was proved wrong. Will never fly again until I gain sense of balance. Saphira still laughing. Brom too.

Personal status: humiliated...not king yet...

Day Five:

Got to Dras Leona. Went into big church place. Very boring but might go back.

Saw slave market too, very unimpressive. Staying at ratty old motel, beds flea infested. Thumb-wrestled Brom for bed. Will sleep on floor tonight.

Personal status: not king yet.

Day Six:

Went back to church place. Found by bug guys. Get to run out of town again.

Are being big time chased by bug guys and soldiers. When am king, will fire bug guys.

Personal status: Tired of running...Not king...

Day Seven:

Bugs guys found camp. Chased away by mysterious cool guy, but hurt brom.

At least brom can't ramble now and I will give him his own safety first talk.

Personal Status: Handwriting not improving...not king yet.

Day Eight:

Cool guy named Murtagh, wants to help. Brom still asleep...lazy bum. Have decided that am cooler than Murtagh. Doesn't like my sword. Says was once evil sword...stupid excuse. Makes good soup though...

Personal status: Cooler than Murtagh...not king

Day Nine:

Murtagh taller than me! Am furious! Having second thoughts on who is cooler after watching murtagh shave. Don't have beard yet. Brom still hurt. Won't let murtagh help until stops being cool. Won't let him come with either.

Personal Status: Stubborn... not king yet...groan...

Day Ten:

Brom got dead...will miss him, only a little. Buried him and saphira made sparkly tomb. Will come back to see tomb again with diamond cutter. Did mention got ribs broke by bug guys? Well murtagh wants to tag along , says can't handle traveling alone with broke ribs. Can to! But was nice and said ok.

Want more soup, murtagh good cook. Gonna find Varden corespondent. Long way to gilead, but got good horse now. Murtagh might have bigger horse, but me got dragon. Could let Saphira eat gray horse, but murtagh might be mad.

Personal Status: Wary of Murtagh... Not king still...

Day Eleven:

Started north toward Gilead where varden guy is. Murtagh slightly touchy about varden, says he wont go to them. That's ok by me and Saphira, don't need him in the first place. Tried to scare away big gray horse today, got caught. Murtagh asked what I was doing. Told him the truth, am a bad liar, he said he needed a horse. Saphira said he could have have my ol' horse when I got rid of his. Murtagh said no. Ribs still broke. Not taller than murtagh yet, but thinking on getting tall shoes. Starting to suspect that murtagh is stronger than me too. Darn.

Personal Status: fed up with Murtagh... not king yet...

Day Twelve:

Had dream about pretty girl, gonna try to find her. Told murtagh about dream... he says that the pretty girl wold fall for him ten times before she even looked my way. Murtagh has been the smart one so far, but no more! I'm WAY more handsome than Mr. Doom and Gloom over there. Groan... Who am Kidding? Murtagh is just plain irresistible to women, or so he says.

Personal Status: in a pout...not king yet...ribs still broke.

Day Thirteen:

Haven't written for days, passing by Urubaen. Extreme amount of Galby's soldiers around area. Don't wanna get caught. At least that's what brom said.

Brom also said that if this journey-ma-jiggie thing worked I'd be king. So far has worked, but still not king! Checking village jails for the pretty dream girl, not because of dreamland jail cell, but brom, saphira AND murtagh said that any girl dumb enough to fall for yours truly, would be found in jail. Tried to get into murtagh's mind via magic. He got a little testy...no soup tonight.

Personal Status:Hungry...not king...

Day Fourteen:

Camped outside Gilead. Murtagh thinks that I shouldn't go into town, as will probably make big show and get killed. Didn't think so, but if he puts it that way, Want to live. Saphira backed him up...traitor. Murtagh is Probably right, as usual, but tends to rub it in face. Meany McMeany pants! Ribs not broke now. Have taken to slow-motion sword fight as do not have partner. Murtagh may have read diary, gonna hide it now.

Personal Status: Not king yet...

Day Fifteen:

Murtagh got back from gilead in big hurry. Some friend of his went and blabbed on him being in the area. Murtagh might be wanted... hasn't said much about past, would probably fall asleep if heard it. He met the varden guy though. The only good thing he has done so far, besides soup. Going to sleep while we wait for the varden dude. If M's friend doesn't set the dogs on us.

Personal Status: Not king Yet...no beard yet either...don't get it...

Day Sixteen:

I got caught, murtagh did not. Urgals caught me but i am in a human jail. There is also a shade here, shade are universal symbol of badness. They drugged me so I can not use magic, and I have the compulsion to over use pronouns. I also saw the dream girl here. Murtagh was right, she is a jailbird. She is an elf by the way...Elves are really pretty. Murtagh will probably make her fall in love with him though. Apparently Dark brown is the new black, and murtagh's hair is both dark brown AND almost Black. I have light brown hair...waa. Gotta get out before they send me to Galby. I am not sure what happened to Murtagh or saphira, but they better help get me out!

Personal Status: I am not King yet...darn this drugged talk.

Day Seventeen:

met the shade, had to pretend to be drugged, even though drug wore off. Shade not at all charming, redhead very temperamental. Tried to find out true name thingy, told a lie, which sounded drugged, but was supposed to be drugged, so ok. Used mind to try to find partners in crime. will try again tomorrow.

Personal Status: In jail...not king yet...

Day Eighteen:

Not in jail now. Talked to dragon with head power, saphira said murtagh was gonna rescue me. Didn't think murtagh could get in. got out of cell myself and started lookin' for the elf lady. Got caught by seven or eight of Galby's minions, but murtagh finally showed and help get rid of 'em. Found elf lady, murtagh thought she was pretty. Was worn out from magic stuff, murtagh got to carry elfie. Got caught again by shade, fought a little bit, murtagh shot the shade and killed him, with bow. Murtagh probably not as good with sword as me, can't be perfect at everything, come on! Saphira broke roof and got us outta there. Got air sick, probably a side-affect of magic usage.

Personal Status: not king yet...

Day Nineteen:

dragon got arrow in the wing. Had to pull out arrow before wound got infection. Had murtagh hold wing down while pulled out arrow. He got knocked down, didn't help him up, cuz if he was really as strong as he's cracked up to be, then he shouldn't need help. Always knew he was on of them guys, hit them on the chin and they go to pieces. Running for our lives by the way, after we got escaped from jail the whole army came after us fugitives.

Personal Status: running again...not king yet...

Day Twenty:

still running. Murtagh finally took a pound or two off his pride and let me make a decision for once. Gonna run all the way t the beor mountains. Murtagh was surprisingly ok. But he still spat a bunch of baloney about not wanting to see the varden. Didn't question him. Murtagh very quiet, but if you get him going he can ramble longer than brom used to. That's a long ramble...

Personal Status: running...not king...

Day Twenty-one:

Still running, but have horses so not that tired. Stopped to camp a little, had cold leftover soup, still good. Asked murtagh to fight me for practice, since got tired of slow motion. Fought for long time, got a little sweaty, nobody won. Apparently we're equal matches, or so said saphira. Saphira thinks she smart or something, always has a wisecrack.

Personal Status: not king yet...still running...

Day Twenty-two:

fought with murtagh again today. Elf in some sort of coma, won't wake up. Still running, getting more tired. Murtagh say's we'll lose the army when we cross the river. What river? Failed geography, wouldn't know. Not even sure where I used to live, 'cept on a farm.

Personal Status: homesick...not king...obviously, kings don't run...

Day Twenty-three:

Handwriting not improved since day one, brom knew a hopeless case when one came up. Crossing river tomorrow, not really that hip about water, too wet.

Personal Status: Trying to remember breaststroke...not king...

Day Twenty-four:

River was very wide. Had to have Saphira fly the horses and me across water. Yea! Didn't get too wet. (oh and murtagh was there too). Can slow pace a little bit, but still have to go fast. Might go across dessert if can get water for trip. If not we are stuck.

Personal Status: pondering water...not king yet...

Day Twenty-five:

My glorious smart brain! Found way to get water out of sand, almost killed myself too. Going to cross dessert. Will get there tomorrow if hurry.

Personal Status: Happy...sad, not king yet...

Day Twenty-six:

in desert. No fun at all. Too much sand in eyes, mouth, nose...everywhere. Murtagh really grumpy, say's everything now in a growly voice. Bad mood spreading, saphira likes it here though. Always knew dragons were nuts. Starting to see distant hills on the horizon, but just got to desert so that's impossible. Can't be to foothills yet, or can we?

Personal Status: puzzled over hills...not stupid king yet...

Day Twenty-seven:

can't believe eyes, hills are bottoms of giant mountains! The Beors? Mighty big! Pointed this out to partner in bad mood, murtagh. He yelled at the distraction, then mouth fell open and he went all awestruck. Didn't even thank me for pointing out what was right under his big ol' nose! Ingrates! Talent is wasted over cross-country.

Personal Status: Talent wasted...not king yet...

Day Twenty-eight:

Murtagh thinks that we're being followed. He's probably right again. I did just notice the army STILL following us across the desert. Stupid murtagh, armies can swim, can't they. Might have said the stupid murtagh sentence too loud, just got punched. Gonna make it outta the desert tonight, then we sleep a little.

Speaking of snoozin' the elf is still doing that. Thinking on searching her mind.

Personal Status: Hmm...not king, hmph!...

Day Twenty-nine:

Out of desert, got a little sleep, but had to keep going cuz that army is FAST!

Searched elves mind, named Arya. Told the way to the varden. Murtagh does NOT want to go there, but made deal that he will leave right before, we get there.

Did I mention that arya will die if we don't fix the poison? Gotta hurry.

Personal Status: Running AGAIN!...not king yet...

Day Thirty:

Figured out that army is not men, not on horses either. Urgals, and kull urgals at that! Big big big! Horse too weak to carry them. Murtagh says he met the Urgal leader of this particular group. Mean guy apparently, cuz we're going even faster now! Really tired but put ayra on saphira to fly her around.

Personal Status: running...not king yet.

Day Thirty-one:

met some slaver who tired to pull a fast one and ended up dead. End of story? no. big leader guy asked to be saved but murtagh promptly took his head off. Angry now.

Personal Status: MAD AT MURTAGH... not king yet...

Day Thirty-two:

Into the mountains we go! Looking for secret side valley. Murtagh says there better be an exit, but didn't listen too much. Murtagh just makes worry. What would he do without me?

Personal Status:not king yet...still upset with murtagh' morals...

Day Thirty-three:

Really really tired, horses cant carry us now. Gotta chase them along in front(murtagh's job). Army only league (whatever a league is) away. Gonna catch us if we don't hurry. Arya has one more day to live. Kinda depressed at the thought. Murtagh not trying hard enough to get along, his fault. I'm obviously the friendly one.

Personal Status: Exhausted...not king yet...mad at murtagh...

Day Thirty-four:

Made it to varden, barely! Let's look back...

last night urgals almost caught us. Murtagh stoped running(saw there was no way out) and started yelling. Asked him what was wrong. Again said he didn't want to go to the varden cuz they wouldn't like him. Understandable, but still had to be nice (wuz raised right). Asked him why not. Said he was the son of terible two-timing traitor, Morzan, also dragon killer: now dead. Not sure its true. If so , heck yeah the varden would hate him, didn't say that though. Showed me big long scar on back given to him by supposed father. Jealous now...don't have eight pack. Don't have pack at all, just baby fat. So we started running again, wrong side of waterfall blah blah blah...swam across went inside. Got pulled out of water by short guy, a magic wannabe showed up and wanted to probe minds. Told bout about arya, they took her to get fixed. Had to get mind probed...very painful experience... no thought of minding one's own business. Then wanted to probe murtagh's head too. Told him not to bother...his heads empty anyway. Murtagh got a little mad at that. Said would not be probed. Gotta go now.

Personal Status: no eight pack...not even six pack...only four pack...not king yet.

Day Thirty-five:

slept in hard stone room last night...all murtagh's fault too. Told me the whole might be true story. Turns out really is son of morzan! Got fed little bit, murtagh had to use sword to shave...regrettably talented with sword...got no cuts. No beard yet for me, though might have what murtagh calls "peach fuzz".

Personal Status: no beard...not king yet...

Day Thirty-six:

was taken out of hard rock room through lots o' tunnels to BIG gate way. Rode through on Saphira and saw Tall shiny city mountain, Tronjeim. Vardenese people were watching me and dragon, with mouths open in the wonder of my beauty. May have also watched murtagh...didn't look back at him though. Went into city met dark skinned varden leader, named Ajihad. Got said hello to but moved on quickly. He told murtagh that he had been bad (DUH!) and that he would have to be locked up until his mind was read and spell-checked. He said he would never allow it, and Ajihad said he remembered that voice. Said he hear it spoken by Morzan 20-somethin' years ago. Murtagh was like: what up? Ajihad has heard of murtagh, knew his name, especially after seeing scar on big ol' back (nice tan though). They dragged murtagh off to the hooscow, while got to have tea with the nice man who got rid of murtagh. BTW: there are two little magic wannabes, apparently bald twins don't like me that much...what's not to like? Got the nice top floor room and the little dwarf man gets to be my guide. Going to sleep now.

Personal Status: happy now...not king yet...

Day Thirty-seven:

Explored Tronjeim today... went to big library...had big showdown with twin where they challenged me to a magic duel thing tomorrow. Went back to dragon hold room. Saw the little Werecat from teirim there, and it led me to the witch lady, Angela. Very rude...didn't let me have a chair. Told her the rest of my story.. she was interested about murtagh...blah blah blah... sent me away after that, went back to dragon hold.

Personal Status: Wondering why angela don't like toads...not king yet...

Day Thirty-eight:

went and did magic thing with twins...got them all mad. Then Arya, who is all better now sent them away...BAD TWINS! Fought with swords with arya...thought I might die. Lost fight. Went and got thanked by arya. Went back to dragon hold, dark skinned lady there waiting for me. Named Nasuada...daughter of Ajihad too, strange hairdo. She's seen murtagh, and said I could see him when ever I wanted to now. Went to bed.

Personal Status: tired...not king yet...

Day Thrity-nine:

went and saw murtagh, who was NOT in a cell, but slouching his butt off in an overstuffed mattress and lots o' food. Said he'd been waiting, and that i'd taken forever to get here. I said well SORRY! Stinking ingrate. Told him about everything and mentioned nasuada to him. His eyes went all misty-gross and he said she looked like a princess and a lot more nonsense. HAS HE GONE NUTS? I mean we all knew it was coming, but why nasuada? Has the great murtagh finally fallen for a woman? Why am I talking all this mush, I waste my time far too often. Murtagh says he still won't let the twins probe him. Couple name shall be either Mursuatagh or Nasutagha... that wasted more time didn't it...

Personal Status: wondering about murtagh/nasuada...not king yet...

Day Forty:

got paged in middle of night to see ajihad about a big army of urgals heading right for us. Told him it probably wasn't all that bad and to go back to bed. He kinda got mad and said yes it was very bad and that as punishment for being so disrespectful of his orders, I would get to help collapse tunnels. Fun fun fun!

Personal Status: why bother? Not king yet anyway...

Day Forty-one:

standing in the hollow mountain outside tronjiem with big huge vardenese army waiting for urgals to come up the three open tunnels. Ajihad let murtagh out so he can fight with us. Kinda glad too, murtagh is good warrior on occasion. Arya with us here too, and orik by the way. We da Gang! Call us the ERG! Eragon Rules Gang. Saw angela running around with double sword, and might have seen nasuada too. Wonder if ajihad knows that murtagh likes nasuada. It is simply amazing how fast rumors can turn into a thing! Mursuatagh!

Personal Status: not king yet...WE ARE AWESOME...

Day Forty-two:

The urgals came. Helped a lot. Murtagh's horse rescued me once, oh yeah murtagh too. Twins said I was needed inside the city. So arya flew up with us and, I got to slide down the mega-slide! Got sick. The shade came up through the floor, named durza btw, and started fighting with me. Thought he was dead after murtagh shot him. HA HA murtagh, you didn't kill a shade! oh wait... that's not good, now I gotta kill him. mind-yelled at saphira to get her butt down here and help. Had a mini mind-battle with durza, broke through but got caught in shady mind. Saw all shade's memory's back when he was just carsaib. Then the jerk went all wacko and cut my back open. Hurt really really really bad! Before i passed out, arya used magic and broke the blue jewel, then flew down with dragon. Distracted durza, while I KILLED HIM! OOOO! YEAH! Then passed out. Had dreams of guru guy, who told me to find him...creep. When woke up in hospital bed, angela said they had tried to heal back but I had scar. Then murtagh and arya came in. mutagh got banged on head and ayra got arm cut, but we won battle. I now have scar from right shoulder to left hip, just...like...murtagh...darn. Murtagh said we look a little alike now, cept that he's better looking.

Personal Status: got hurt...not king yet...

Day Forty-three.

Had weird back spasm. Murtagh left with ajihad to kill stray urgals, twins went too. Had to stay home.

Personal Status: not king yet...

Day Forty-four:

lots of people crying around here, can't get any sleep.

Personal Status: tired, back hurts...not king yet...

Day Forty-five:

all not well. Ajihad, twins, and murtagh were coming back. Got attacked by urgals. Ran toward them, but ajihad died right there, said he wanted me to make sure the varden endures. Murtagh and twins just gone, no dead bodies that look like them. Must have been taken prisoner. Phooey, I was happy that while was sick, Murtagh got all my chores. OH NO! no more Mursuatagh or Nasutagha! LOVE LOST! Waaaaaaa! Jormunder, general of varden, came up and so on, yadda yadda yadda. Had to go back to city.

Personal Status: somewhat shocked...not king yet...no beard either... lost a good romance novel plot...

Day Forty-six:

nasuada really really sad! Talked to the counsel of elders today, really snooty bunch o' jerks. Wanted to put nasuada in charge and secretly control her. They didn't say that exactly but i'm awesome so I know. I want nasuada to be free queen, and they wanted me to swear fealty to the VARDEN, or to the point: them. So they called in nasuada, who was all mourny and stuff but still prettyish, and asked her to lead the varden. She said she would and arya looked at me funny like I did something wrong. Nasuada dismissed the council so she could talk to me alone, murtagh would be mad if he were here, and the council, might I add, was PEEVED! Told N I was sorry bout' her dad, she said she was sorry bout' my friend, AND that she really wanted to know murtagh better. She actually shed tears...like one. said that she wouldn't let the council rule her, and I swore fealty to HER. She asked me to do it for all to see when she was crowned after the funeral. Said ok. When out of room met arya, who thought I might have messed up some sort of plan of hers. But I said I didn't and she believed me, so it's cool.

Personal Status: not king yet...

Day Forty-seven:

was summoned to see king Hrothgar, of the dwarfs. Asked me if I found my guide satisfactory. Said yeah. He asked if I thought nasauda was ready to lead or if I wanted to side with C.O.E. Said she was ready. Saphira talked with him a bit, AND said she would FIX THE BIG BLUE BROKEN JEWEL! The king said we could tell everyone and celebrate. It's gonna be a hot time in the old town tonight! OW OW! Saphira drank WAY too much mead and fell on top of me causing a big back pain and we both passed out. Ouch. But woke up to write, then going back to sleep.

Personal Status: hurting...not king yet...

Day Forty-eight:

R.I.P. Ajihad. Funeral was today. Afterward nasuada got crowned and I knocked the C.O.E. Off their block by giving nasuada fealty. Yay me! Arya really liked that part! Afterward nasuada told me her plan of taking the varden to surda, and me going to the elves to get teached. Or Is it taughted? Well anyway, ROADTRIP!

Personal Status: exited...not king yet...pout...

Day Forty-nine:

packed for trip today. Thinking on bringing orik to elesmera. Just for amusement, little man really a hoot.

Personal Status: packing...not king...no beard...tired...back hurts...

Day Fifty:

wating at mouth of tunnel for slowpoke arya to get here so we can hit da road. Orik Is coming too.

Personal Status: pooped out on waiting...not king...

Day Fifty-one:

ayra and nasuada finally got there and nasuada gave me some money, said to hurry and get smart, cuz apparently there's a big ol' war going on. BtW: am part of orik dwarf clan now, got adopted. On our way to elesmera.

Personal Status: not king...yet...

Day Fifty-two:

on the road agiain...hmm hmm hmm hmm! Still in tunnels but will get out soonish, and move on up to tarnag...dwarf city. Weirdcity...arya not eat meat at all, vegetarian? Arya is pretty though. And nice. I guess. Wonder how old she is?

Personal Status: not king yet...feet hurt...

Day Fifty-three:

OUT OF THE DARKNESS! In Tarnag now, in a nice little bedroom, that is not stone! Saw big goat creatures, feldunost, that dwarves ride like horses. Saphira wanted to eat like ten of them...said she couldn't be rude. She's in a pout now. When got to tarnag met group of purple veil dwarves...not funny like orik... who didn't like me. Made me kinda sad...AND started feud thing. Got to chief Undin's house and got to eat and sleep.

Personal Status: am not king yet...

Day Fifty-four:

we ate like pigs! Had big boar thing for main dish, 'cept arya who's vegan or something. Undin almost made saphira mad by treating like she was dumb, but it was cool. Have to stay safe tonight might get dangerous.

Personal Status: not king yet...stuffed...

Day Fifty-five:

when to see dwarf temple. Really boring.

Personal Status: not king yet...

Day Fifty-six:

left city while avoiding dwarf mafia. Felt like spy, really fun. Arya all touchy after arguing with dwarf chief. Headin' north up river on rafts to du weldenvarden.

Personal Status: not king yet... starting to show traces of stuble...Finally...

Day Fifty-seven:

found myself missing murtagh today. Tried to scry him today, but saw black. Not good sign. Must accept murtagh's deadness. He's gone.

Personal Status: still rafting... not king yet...

Day Fifty-eight:

haven't written in days. Much closer to hedarth.  
Personal Status: bored...not king...

Day Fifty-nine:

past hedarth, closer to forest. Asked arya what her problems were, she got a bit mad. Dragon made me apologize. Apparently... arya's afraid. Afraid of what! oh... we're all gonna die!

Personal Status: stuble on cheeks and chin coming in nicely...not king...

Day Sixty:

Arya has been showing me elf manners. Bloody hard if you ask anyone. Because in different language, puts damper on things.

Personal Status: ?...not king yet...

Day Sixty-one:

Made it to Forest... met elves: Lifaen, Nari, and Somebody else. Dwarf gaurds took for home WITH MUH HORSE, because apparently... he wouldn't fit in boat.

Personal Status: in company of singsongy elves... trying not to break into song... not king yet... no more room in diary... must find new book...

...End of First Volume...


	2. Diary Two

Eragon's Top Secret Journal Volume Two

Day One:

going through forest with elves trying to get to elesmera on horses. I think i'm in love with arya. Yep, i'm in love.

Personal Status: in love...not king yet...

Day Two:

almost to elesmera, arya says one more day. Kinda sad bout murtagh today, poor dead guy.

Personal Status: not king yet...

Day Three:

we are here. Elesmera is big. Gosh! Don't these people know how to make brick houses? I mean really, they live in stinkin' trees. Trees are nice though. I never met a tree I didn't like. Met queen islanzadi who is... arya's mom ! arya is princess! I'm in love with a princess? OH well, that's just an added bonus. They threw a big shindig for us and I stuffed myself. But I am comforted by the fact that murtagh always used to eat more than me, even though he's dead now. I relayed this though to arya and she said that it was probably because murtagh worked out more than me and NEEDED to eat more. WAS NOT! Murtagh ate more for a mysterious reason that no one will ever know, he told me so in a dream. Besides... arya only saw murtagh like, twice. How would she know that?

Personal Status: put out by arya's perception... what's perception?

Day Four:

was taken out of the city to see something cool. Btw, got cool new elf clothes and had AMAZING breakfast. Some weird fan lady left me a nice note. Then I had to go meet the queen and arya and that lord daethedr guy over in the woods. I wasn't quite sure what they wanted to do all the way out there, maybe have a dance off or something, even though I would totally win. I am truly a gifted dancer, everyone should know that by now... after all... i've been just about everywhere and i've done a little boogying along the way... ahem... LOLz. So I went out there, what a long BORING walk, and met up with da gang for what was definitely NOT a dance off, pooey. I got to meet a guy who should be dead, and it turns out that he's got a dragon too except his is some special golden antique addition or something. Big whoop, I like silver better than gold... leaving me to wish that saphira was silver. Oh, she just yelled at me for that crack, she loves being blue blah Blah BLAH. So now this old elf rider guy, who's name is OREO, or something like that. I love oreos, but I never get to have them now that im in elesmera,,,,,,, pout. So anyway OREO gets to be my teacher and show me how to be a better rider because apparently brom didn't do the whole job and they say that I am in startling lack of rider skills, perks, and bonuses. Whatever.

Personal Status: going back to school...not king yet... maybe have to graduate first...

Day Five:

had to get up REEEEAAAALLLLLLLLY early to go to rider school. I'm the only one in my class so I guess the teacher "oreo" would notice if I were tardy. So I went to school and oreo immediately begins abusing my appearance. Apparently I should have dressed a little nicer, brushed my hair, and shaved up a little. So I said:

Hey mr. oreo... chill out man... you gotta cut loose a little... you gotta learn to go with the flow of life...

I was all philosophical and what-not. But oreo yelled at me for that: he said that my flow was running perpendicular to his flow and that for this little school thing to work, we would have to flow the same way... which basically boils down to... kid you better go with my flow or I will put you out of commission. Also he said that his name wasn't oreo, it was Oromis. WELL SORRY! you know how hard it is when you name someone something and then have to change the name and call them something else, IT'S HARD! so I'll keep calling him Oreo unless i'm talking to him. So anyway... he begun our little school thing by introducing himself and telling his life's story... I fell asleep...can you blame me? His life's story was CENTURIES long on account of the elves living pretty much forever and always looking like they are in they're twentys or teenage years. So many years of the most BORING life in alagaesia, and hey this dude is a rider, he didn't do ANYTHING interesting with his free time. Whenever he came to a slightly more interesting story he would cut off and say: i'd tell you more son, but that's classified information. I hate it when people do that! they get you all worked up and then they leave you hanging... there should be a fine for that.

Personal Status: sick of school already...not king yet...

Day Six:

got up this morning and put on some nice elfy clothes, and then grabbed the razor than oreo gave me and nearly sliced my face in half... so I had to heal myself and go on very carfully, so I thought HECK WITH THIS! I'm going to devise a spell I can use instead of a razor because I am not too fond of pain. Went to school and did this little floating ball exercise with oreo, ended up rolling in the dirt and got the elf clothes all dirty. Stupid oreo should have told me to bring play clothes. So then oreo started to teach me YOGA, and let me tell you... it has done wonders for me... I feel amazing! I bet murtagh never learned yoga when he was alive. Well oreo has confirmed that murt really was the son of morzan, I guess oreo keeps tabs on all his former students,,,, such as morzan and brom.

Personal Status: Feeling fabulous!... not king yet...

Day Seven:

tried to fine oreo for using the "Classified informaton" line with me again... he refused to pay me... and what's more, he beat the living snot out of me in magic class with a floating paddle spell. I couldn't get him back either because that would have been MEGA disrespectful and involved some horrid punishment involving more beating of living snot. Uncle garrow used to be big on the spankings when roran and I were disrespectful... good times... btw in case I haven't mentioned this before the bug guys that galby sent killed garrow and that's why I left home I the first place. Anywayy... have some elf cookies today and got to play croquet with orik in the court of Tildari hall: that's where the queen and arya and all the other "Royalty" live. I won because with my longer arms... I have a better swing. But then we broke a window screen thing and had to go hide for a few hours. Arya found us and told us to go clean the latrines cuz we had been bad. I actually didn't mind cleaning the latrines cuz arya told me to. Hahaha.

Personal Status: cleaning the johns... not king yet...

Day Eight:

more school... that's about it...

Personal Status: bored in school... not king yet...

Day Nine:

I haven't written in two months cuz of school. Oreo said: it is admirable that you wish to keep a record of your life, but SHUT THAT STUPID BOOK AND GET TO WORK! so I haven't written in a while. Tomorrow the elves big party the "Agaeti Blohdren" begins... lots of food...dancing... and PARTAYING! but you see the thing is, before we all get down, we have to do an art show thing... so i've been writing a poem. Sounded easy enough, all ya gotta do is make it rhym. Easy peasy mac and cheesy! The elves like my mac and cheese recipe, which is good cuz they don't eat meat and wont let me barbeque inside the city limits. With all oreos training I have muscled up, but slimmed down... not more baby face, as murtagh used to say. I have muscled up because oreo has put me through a very strenuous work out, and slimmed down because i've realy only had nuts and berries to eat all this time. So I hiked out to the back of beyond to hunt a little bit, and had a nice cookout with saphira.

Personal Status: physically peaked...not king yet...

Day Ten:

Okay so now maybe I can get back onto a regular schedule of writing. We had the start of the party and saphira exhibited a chunk of something that everyone thought was very nice, but I thought it looked like burning petrified poop. Saphira says I have no appreciation for art. But I read my poem and I wowed them to wowland. Then I threw my poem in their library and hoped never to hear it ever again, cuz I really hate poetry.

So then we partied and I got to dance off with the queen and they said we tied, but then the queen said that my moves were truly righteous, and I said: you da man, queenie! Then I sat in the big party tree they call menoa with arya until we decided to take a walk... well... the party got me a little crazy because I ended up confessing my love to arya and she rejected me... short sad story... she doesn't like me like that. Anyway I kinda was upset for a while and then they brought me back to the party for another ceremony. So there were these tattoo girls there and then the tattoo came t life as a dragon and bam! I went unconcious. I woke up in my magic tree house felling not so keyed up and looking VERY different. I look like an elf version of me now and I am strong and fast and more HANDSOME... maybe even more handsome than murtagh was. I guess I should go back to the party now...

Personal Status: Elf looking...not king yet...

Day Eleven:

so anyway... kinda embarrassed about this whole arya thing but it's too late to take it back now. I got back in time for the end of the party and they were all like: man eragon you look GOOD now. Well so I do. Anyway, it was straight back to school and oreo wanted to sleep so he sent me to the sparring field to go fight VANIR. I might not have mentioned him before but all throughout my school I have had to fight this little punk, and he has always beat me cuz he says im too slow. Beat him this time tho... he was wowed, and now he likes me... we weren't friends before. Then I got the rest of the day off and got to go have a secret cookout again.

Personal Status: eating bambi... and he tastes good... not king yet...

Day Twelve:

so the whole party thing is over and I haven't seen arya since, so I went to her palace thing a little bit ago to see her aand tell her not to freak out just cuz the most handsome rider in the world is in love with her. Well I knocked and I knocked at the front door, until lord daethedr came up and opened the door from my side and told me to keep knocking, but i'd never get in that way. I don't think daethedr likes me, i'll show him. I kinda followed him, so now I know what room in the palace is his. Then I went back to the room directory and found arya's name on the list, so I found her room and I knocked and I knocked, and finally she answered I think... "this is the life size decoy of arya drottningu... if you are an elf by birth or even a dwarf, please come in... if you are a human that just looks like and elf...ahem...Eragon, I'm not home."

Is she avoiding me?...NAh!

Personal Status: miffed that arya has a decoy and I don't...not king yet...

Day Thirteen:

well I still haven't seen arya and it's been a week since the party ended... except now I know why she hasn't been around... SHE'S NOT HERE ANYMORE! she said to her ma that it was time she went back to the varden, because apparently they moved to surda and need help. I guessed it was my duty to go back to so I politely quit school and am now flying back to surda on dragon.

Personal Status: flying back to varden... OUT OF SCHOOL!...not king yet...but soon...i hope.

Day Fourteen:

got back to the varden today... they are camped out right next to the burning plains, a place along some river and on the border of surda. The varden didn't really know I was coming and they thought I was galby on his big old dragon "shruikan"... so they tried o shoot me out of the sky, but I stopped the arrow and landed and then had to pretend I wasn't mad at them for firing on me... couldn't give the troops a guilt complex on the first day I got back... now could I? So I swaggered into nasuada's command tent, I think a bunker woulda been cooler... but anyway, I swaggered in the way only the most awesome heros can, and she was all : Eragon... is that you? And I was all like: at your service. And then I got a hug and everything, which was nice, and maybe arya was a bit jealous cuz she was standing right there... ha ha. Then nasuada said: Gosh dude... you look weird. Oh yeah, I had forgotton about my new look, so I gave a nice little explanation and she was ok with it then. Oh and I forgot to mention that when the party side effects made me all handsome and fast and strong and AWESOME, it also took away that hideous scar that looked like murtaghs, another added bonus of that party. I wonder if all elven party give out such awesome goodie bags? So anyway... they told me that there was a big bad party sent by galby to destroy us all, and it was ready to attack any time it felt like it... lots and lots of bad guys. Then I got to meet king orrin of surda, and he wanted to make sure that I wasn't after his kingship... I said no cuz I only want to rule the empire...the jackpot. Then I got to meet this creepy little girl that was a baby that I blessed in tronjeim. Something went terribly wrong with the spell and now she grew up really fast and went all goth and stuff. She's only a number of months old but she looks like she's about 4 or 5. creepy right... and shes got a killer voice form the scary stories that garrow used to tell. Well because the spell went wrong she can tell whats gonna hurt people and what they fear and everything painfull... it's all on her... yeah, even more creepy... also I have decided to take control of the varden's magic group "du something something" so I did, and the lady I surplanted was NOT happy, she used to have a thing for me but I guess it was just a crush cuz she's mad at me now. Also took a verbal beating from the witch angela who was mad about what I did to elva ( the creep girl) and I was like "chill out lady it was n accident" and she was like "O" so then... yes then, it was a long day... some ugly urgal kull people came up and wanted to join the army so they did... yadda yadda. Then this guy came from the empire to come tell us that because we didn't surrender, we were all gonna die. Cheerful...right? So we all gotta get ready for battle now... no sense of when bedtime is...

Personal Status: preparing for WAR...not king yet...

Day Fifteen:

'Nother loooooooooooooooooooong day. We had a battle. There were a lot of bad guys like I said before. I got to break some catapults, that was fun, and got to fight a lot of losers. And then this big red dragon showed up (!), and I said to myself: gee... I thought dragons were almost extinct... maybe they're more common than previously known...DUUUUHHH! I had to add the duh to the end of my sentence because that whole little sentence was too close to intelligent for my taste. Just being safe, ya know? Well, so the this dragon showed up, he was kinda puny next to saphira, I guess cuz he wuz young or somethin'. So we had to fight and stuff, then we landed on this big ol' plain thing, oh and forgot to mention that Roran showed up too... I was like: What up dawg? And he was like: there were these bug things that came and kicked us out of our home so we decided to come here. Oh, and we brought jeod too. So anyway, back to the plain... I got off saphira and the other rider got off his mangy dragon and we went at it with swords. This guy was GOOD, he knew how to fight, and he knew my fighting style. So he did this little spinnie things with his sword and then I knew who this guy was. So I stood back up, YES YES the guy had knocked me down, and I promptly tore off his helmet... I think he said something like: ow my ears, are they still there? And I said yeah, they are still there. It was murtagh... apparently he wasn't as dead as everyone thought. BIG TIME BETRAYAL! he was a rider for GALBY! how could he. So he was all like: gosh man, gimme a break, I didn't have a choice! Galb made me serve him with my name or whatnot. YEAH SURE. So he named his dragon THORN... what kind of a dumb name was that? I mean COME ON! Thorn? Really? Is that the best you could come up with? So he started calling me brother, and I was like: what the heck man? I'm mad at you right now, don't call me brother. And he was like: NO doofus, I really am your brother, Galb said so. My mom's name was selena too, and both our dadies is the same morzan too... does that even make sense. I politely told murtagh that nothing he said EVER made sense, and he punched me for that. SOOOOOOOO... I have an evil brother... wish I had known he was my brother when he was good... that might have made up for having an evil father, but now my brother's evil too. Wow, I was not gonna tell anyone this! Like I said before...Loooooooooooooooong day. Oh, by the way... Roran is here now too... he came with ALL the carvahalians on a big ol' ship up the river. He jumped into battle and killed the evil twins, which is good. But he looked at me funny when he saw my dragon and said I had a lot of explaining to do, which is most likely gonna get me hurt. Sooo...

Personal Status: Exhausted!...not king yet...

Day sixteen:

so yeah... last night after all that stuff, and after I had it all written down, roran got to meet saphira and then he punched in the face. He may have had several possible reasons for this... A. he's upset that I didn't tell him about saphira. B. He's ticked that I ran away from our burning farm and dead father/uncle while he was cavorting out of town. C. he is hopping mad that I beat him thumb-wrestling two years ago. D. all of the above. Probably D. so then he wanted to be an annoying tag-along and come to the top secret meeting at nasuada's tent. Arya was there too. N and A were both very happy to see me alive and I got two hugs from two GORGEOUS ladies,,,, Roran might have been jealous. So I begun to dramatically tell them all who the new enemy rider was... when nasuada was all like "Eragon, i'm gonna steal your thunder! It was Murtagh wasn't it?" and I was like, yup. I wanted that thunder! SHE STOLE MY THUNDER! but it truly was amazing that she guessed correctly, how did she do it. I'm mean... he was like a MILE away! Then she kinda got all weepy and was all like "poor murtagh, I would have wished that this had not been his fate," or some such whishy-washyness. In that moment, a small tearful moment over murtagh, I realized that Nasuada would be able to recognize Murtagh from a HUNDRED MILES away. SHE was... shall we say : dead gone on murtagh. Holy stinkin' moly! EWW EWW EWW EWW! so gross! Plus he's the enemy now, it would never work out. BUT, if murtagh likes her too, we could have a first class soap opera on our hands! Heh heh heh! This could be a good source of war time entertainment, for both sides of the war. So anyway, I had to go through the motions of introducing roran to nasuada and arya, and I gave roran the clear "arya is my girl so don't get any bright ideas" look. They were pleased I guess, but they clearly knew that I was the awesome one in the family. Then I dropped the bomb on all of them "guess what guys... I have a brother... and guess who it is! MURTAGH! YAY!" they were a bit shocked. Also roran made me promise to help him save his lost love Katrina who got captured by the very same bug guys that killed Brom. Fine and dandy. Apparently they threw all the carvahalians out of carvahall. Soooo...

Personal Status: Still pooped... not king yet...

Day Seventeen:

So here we are... four day after that big battle at the fire field. Are we resting up in a hot tub? NO. are we singing songs about happily ever after? NO. We are sittin around a small campfire that is not nearly warm enough, eating food that is not nearly cooked enough, and sleeping on a ground that is not nearly soft enough. GRRRROOOOAAAAAANNNNN! well you can't call me a whiner, that's for sure! And NO we are not at the varden's camp either. We are about a million miles north of there by dras leona again. Right by helgrind. Helgrind is ancient talkie for "Hell's Gates" if that tell you anythng about the scenery. It is rumored to be the ancestral home of the Raz'zac or "Bug Guys". We are currently working up to trying to maybe possibly rescue Katrina from the bowels of this ever-black mountain of sludge. Cheerful, right? Oooo... Roran just read over my shoulder, and I don't think he was pleased at the amount of doubt displayed in my entry. In other words, I think we have just about as much chance of rescuing Katrina, as rocks do of coming up with a new word. So... yeah. When we got here, we hid under a prickly hedge and spyed on helgrind. Leave it to roran to select the prickliest hedge in the land. So, spying on helgrid is basically: spying on a big rock, which is, basically: BORING! things got more interestinger when this ugly group of people came out and did some voodoo stuff outside the mountain. That was weird. They were all missing arms and legs, and they actually hacked off somebody's limb as a sacrifice for something and drank some blood. This might have been cool to us when we were little boys, but now that we are big boys, it's vomitrotious! so we pulled back to our camp site for a good night's sleep. Well that soon turned into the battle of the bruises, and I clearly won, but then roran pulled out something that was clearly a wound and not a bruise. Appears that the Raz'zac bit his shoulder up, back in carvahall and it never really healed. So I healed it for him, and now he is a slave of debt FOREVER! bwa ha ha ha ha ha! Now imma go to beddie bye.

Personal Status: Sleepy... not king yet...

Day Eighteen:

Well today we made our attack on helgrind. I did a brain probe thing on the mountain of evil and found a flower growing inside the mountain which was both weird and impossible. So we got on Saphira and flew around the mountain like mad men, until we accidentally flew threw a fake wall of rock and ended up inside the mountain. So then there were like two dark tunnels we could pick from, and while we were deciding which one to take, we were attacked by one of the ugly flying beasts that the razzac rise around on, which apparently is just an older form of razzac. So then I realized that I couldn't sense the razzac's minds with my brain probe, how un-handy dandy! So saphira got all noble and decides to take on BOTH beasties, while we fight one of the razzac. But then it just runs down one of the tunnels. So roran and I are creeping down tunnels in the dark when we hear a noise. I make the whole room light up with magic, and something starts to burn my face and then we have to fight BOTH razzac. Roran kills one and then the other runs off again. Did I mention that this whole time, roran is fighting with a hammer and I am fighting with a long stick? Pretty action-hero of us, don't you think? So we find these jail cells and open up the one with katrina in it and there was a big lovey dovey reunion like "I love you Katrina, wow you're pale and skinny" and "I love you Roran, omg you grew a beard!" so he told her that I was a dragon rider now and she was temporarily awed-out, so I gave them some alone time to recover from the shock of my awesomeness. I opened up the other cell and found sloan, katrina's evil father who betrayed the whole village, who got his eye's pecked out... um, eww. But I closed the cell back up and told R and K that he was dead so that he couldn't ruin anything else. Wise of me. So we went back up to the front door and saphira was back and said that the flying harpies were dead. So I made katrina and roran get on her, and I used a spell to make them fly away without me. Saphira is probably very mad about this because she doesn't like to leave me in dangerous places. Well, so what! I went back into the tunnells and kill the other razzac, and he curses me never to return to alagaesia after I leave it, yadda yadda. So then I fetched sloan from his cell an put him to sleep so I could fly us both down the mountain since jumping was definitely out of the question. So when we got to the bottom, invisible magic carpet style, I kinda dumped sloan on the ground and passed out a little. Then I saw this bumble bee and was like, ahhhhhh don't sting me!

so I got up and took sloan back to my campsite which is a lot farther away on foot than on dragon. I killed o mouse and two lizards, which were going to be dinner. This kinda upset me a little, because ever since the magic presto chango thing happened I had been going vegetarian like arya. But I ate some and it tasted amazing because I am a righteous cook in my own kitchen, so I guess I can still eat meat when I want to. Then I woke up sloan and let him eat the rest of it. So I told him who I was and he was ticked off and wanted to go mess up life for roran and katrina. So I put a tricksy little spell on him that made him walk all the way to elesmera and stay there. He was all like "That is a fate worse than death!" and I was like "stop whinning, there's a hot tub!"

Personal Status: fatigued... not king yet...

Day Nineteen:

So I ran all day today and encountered a group of soldiers and had to hid in a bush. They stopped right by the bush to have a nice long chat among themselves, so as to take up more time. They checked in the bush, but I did some bippity boppity boo stuff and went all invisible. Then they talked some more and one of the dudes asked the leader why didn't they have murtagh look for whatever it was. The leader said " how do we know it's not murtagh that we're looking for? You heard what Morzans spawn said as clear as I did." and I was like... HUH...after they left I ran for the rest of the day. also ran into this weird old guy who lives in the hills. He was clearly a magical person and had all these weird carvings that a mysterious "SHE" made. Huh... also, he made me pick all his beans in trade for supper. Then he started going through a bunch of crazy talk and I snuck out while he wasn't looking and started running again. Had to stop briefly because I saw murtagh flying around, probably looking for me. Once they were gone I wrote "Murtagh 3 Nasuada" in the dirt, really BIG. Just for fun. Kept running.

Personal Status: running, but not for my life... not yet king...

Day Twenty:

so I was running all day again today, and it's a good thing i'm fast or we'd never get anywhere! I ended up in a little town called Eastcroft. I went right to the bar, not because beer tastes good and all, but because that's where you rent a room for the night. So I did. I rented a room, and they didn't ask if I was over 21 which Is good... cuz i'm not, and who has time to bother with legality? Then I happened to spy this pretty young lass at a table being harassed by farmer folk. She was the human version of arya, so I thought HEY! Arya don;t like me cuz she's an elf, well I found a human that looks a lot like her... minus the pointy ears and slanty eyebrows. We made eye contact and she pulled her hood up, playing hard to get or something. So I brain probed her and she brain drop kicked my mind then was all like "omg it's you eragon!" and I was like "darn... it's arya" so I rescued her from the rude farmers and we pretended to be brother and sister and went up to my room. She made me sleep on the floor, then woke me up in the middle of the night so we could escape from town. WHY WHY WHY? why do we always have to sneak out a window in the middle of the night? why can't we just walk out the front gate like normal people! So once we were out of town we ran like crazy and here we are. Were still running and MAN is it hard to run and write at the same time!

Personal Status: Running and Writing... not king yet...

Day Twenty:

so today...guess what! We ran! More! Then we ran into a group of soldiers on horses and they found out that we were headed for the varden somehow and we and to throw down. We decked them! And I nearly broke my hand punching some guy to death. And so arya healed my hand, and I was like thanks sista! And she was all no prob bro! So later at the camp fire we got to talking and arya confessed that she was once in love with her old dead buddy Faolin. And she was making this little grass ship and she made it fly or something. And then I made her a flower and then these weird spirit things cam and turned the lily into gold. Whoopee. Then we had to contact nasuada and she was all relieved until I told her about what I wrote in the dirt a ways back. She cussed me out then. Heh heh heh.

Personal Status: cussed out... not king yet...

Day Twenty One:

today we got back to the varden and Saphira was very happy to see me. That's good, and Im glad she wasn't mad or she might have eaten me. Lolz. Nasuada threw me a little party with all the people from carvahall in it. It was great. We all told stories of carvahall, and danced on the tables, and I also saw that creepy elva girl, the girl I put a rotten spell on...remember? I guess i'm gonna have to fix that or something, LOL! Yeah right. By the way... nasuada told me to report to her tent WAY too early in the morning, whoopie! and roran asked me to marry him and katrina, because it won't be long before he is a daddy... if you know what I mean face put here. NAUGHTY NAUGHTY... TSK TSK TSK TSK TSK! oh well, I don't really care anyway LOL!

Personal Status: ... not king yet...

Day Twenty-two:

got up even earlier than was supposed to to do my yoga. Before I left the backwoods Oreo made me promise to do my yoga every morning unless I was in jail, dead, or almost dead. I am none of those three, so I did yoga. No problem really, my physique is impeccable. So then I decided to catch some breakfast, and by catch I mean someone else better cook that stuff. Then I was moseying along down to nasuada's tent, which she thinks is grand enough to be called a PAVILLION but is clearly just a tent that's red, and I ran into Angela the herb-witch-lady, and two of her associates. Angela may be fascinating, BUT her associates are just plain hobos. She was doing her fortune telling presto chango thing, when I happened by. Well she nabbed me and said, Eragon bless these women. What? Did they just sneeze? Bless you? But then she probably meant a magical blessing, so I got to work. The first lady was clearly a hippie, and did not believe in buying clothes new, because her sleeves were too short and the dress was obviously for a petite person, a misjudge of size? No respectable store salesman would not have let her get a dress to small, it would be horrendous. The other one may have been her daughter, but was not a hippie... more like a sword-maker-warrior-lady or an extreme golfer. So I blessed them, gave them an autograph and sent them on their way. Then angela decided to mosey along with me to the TENT. When we got there, we all made a split decision to try and remove that curse thing from elva, cuz apparently she doesn't enjoy feeling everyone's pain. So we started working on it, and it kinda worked. But elva went all "you can't tell me what to do!" and was being a royal pain. So she stormed off, refusing to help out nasuada, and angela punched me cuz she was mad. Then my elven bodyguards, (I didn't tell you about them did I? Well they're sweet, but also obnoxious, and one looks like a werewolf dude), tackled her. But then they let her go, and she was still grumpy. All in all, strange day.

Personal Status: Worn out from de-cursing...not K yet...

Day Twenty-three:

got up and did yoga again. Thought I might spy on arya a little, but the bodyguards were always RIGHT THERE! Couldn't do a thing. So then I went out and sat on the ground behind my tent, sulking I suppose but that's okay cuz I look adorable went I pout. Then I was messing around with dat magic stuff and I just happened to pull three little golden golfballs out of the grass, nifty huh? Then I think I might have gone all noble cuz I gave one to Gedric the tanner, for when I stole his stinky cow skins. Then I gave one to Jeod's wife helen, to keep her from being so uppity. Then jeod and I talked about "the black Hand" aka Selena aka mommy. Of course jeod didn't know that selena was my mom, otherwise he probably wouldn't have said all those nasty things. Im sure mom wasn't evil, but just not very sure. Then jeod gave me this honkin' big book, and I was like gee jeod, just what I wanted... a book. Then I went my own way and stopped in at Fredrick the big harry weapons guy to pick out a new sword, cuz stupid murtagh took mine remember? I have murtagh's old sword, and I did think about using it, but i'd much rather give it to some voodoo person to put a curse on my cursed brother. So freddo showed me all these dumbbutted weapons that he thought I wanted but actually did not. Then I finally picked out this cute little butterknife sword. But fred just kept gabbin' and gabbin' so when I finally got out of there, I had missed dinner.

Personal Status: starving... ears talked off... not K yet...

Day Twenty-four:

soooo, big happenings today, shall we begin? Got up and did a righteous amount of yoga, and ate a light lunch. Then went over and asked if I could help set up for the wedding cuz I was bored as heck. They made me knead bread dough... it was very... douhgy? Then something interesting happened, the war horns went crazy loud, and we all had to run around like crazy and get ready to fight. I really hoped it was just a drill, I didnt feel like fighting. And so I had to go put on all my lovely protective gear and stuff, and I grabbed my butterknife and such. Then I hopped onto saphira and she flew away to where nasuada sat on her pretty horsey with the highly stereotypical name. Seriously? Who named that thing? Then murtagh and thorn came around and told us to get our rears in gear and some up to fight them. So we did, and we fought around for a while. So like, murtagh for some unfair and ungenerous reason was just as fast and strong as me, which wasn't supposed to happen. Then I used the strength of arya and those 13 or 12 or whatev bodyguards to beat his sorry heinie. But then he got away and we fell from the sky, which hurt a lot, but I totally had things under control. So when we woke up, I chose to go unconscious for a bit, some of king orrin's horse guys were in a circle around us, obnoxious. So we took off to go help the rest of the army fend off the dudes the galby sent to wipe us out, a measly 300 dorks. Apparently dorks who couldn't feel pain and so kept on fighting and fighting. Well anyway we eventually defeated them, and then suddenly everyone remembered we had a wedding to put on. So then we did the wedding at this picturesque hill. And katrina went all rebel and wore a BLUE dress, gosh doesn't everyone know youre supposed to wear white-cream blends when you get married. And roran wasn't wearing a tux, I'll just say that. So then this intolerable choir of kids starts to sing, and I could see the director from where I was, and she was NOT doing it right... looked like she was swatting flies. Then katrina was like half way up the aisle and these mangy pigeons things dropped some flowers on her head... how miraculous ARYA! Plus they might have dropped some other things on her too... you know how birds get at weddings, they can't hold in their joy, or anything else... so then I married them, cuz im awesome like that. Then we threw a hoedown like only carvahalians can. And there was good food and stuff and arya sang, and two of my bodyguards went at it with showy swords, and people (not me even though it would have been righteous) dances on the tables. Then I gave the happy couple these rings that I very niftily made out of my last golden golfball. So then nasuada went to visit the wounded troops in the tents of healing or something. REALLY I think they should call them the tent of whiners, but that's just me. There was this weird guy who got hit with a rock from the empire's catapults, and his eyes are pure white now. It's creepy. So he was talking to me and he said he could see all kinds of lights, but so can every other drinkie drinkie around here. He said during the battle he saw mine and saphira's lights, the 12 lights on my belt and the big light on my hand. So I guess he can see power or something. He said I shone like a fire, which would make a good song. Then he went all crazy talkie about "my brother" and how he shone too, but the light shone through him as though it came from somewhere else. Hey I did not tell anyone that I had a brother! WEIRDO! just to let you know... murtagh being in the family is a BIG secret, like we NEVER want him to come to the family reunion... if we had one.

Personal Status: thankfully reunionless... not king yet...

Day Twenty-five:

so after yoga I reported to nasuada's tent like I was told. She wanted to send me all the ways out to the dang dwarves! Am I going? Yes. I have to oversee the picking of the next king of the dwarves. BORING! Na d I have to be escorted by Nar who's an urgal, and therefore hideous, but still good company I guess. The elves cant come and saphira cant come either... FRREEEEEEEDUMB! must leave tonight, sneakin out late!

Personal Status: going dwarfing!... not king yet...maybe could be king of the dwarves?

Day Twenty-six:

didn't write while traveling, but I just made it to Bregan hold today. Apparently this is orik's diggings, his pad as clan chief. Okay then. Also orik just got himself married. What a dumb thing to do! Just when something's finally fixin' to go down with galby, do we rush to the varden's aid? NO! We get married... yeahhh. So soon we shall be traveling to tronjeim to pick a king, but for now... WE PARTAYY!

Personal Status: life of the party...the partayy!...NKY...

Day Twenty-seven:

today we went joy riding, on our way to that pretty glass citayy. We stopped to sightsee this place with a bunch of stupid rock trees, that orik thought was cool or educational or something. Does he think i'm 15? NO, I'm like 16 and 7/12ths! So I hurried us along so we could get something done... I had to tell orik that nasuada said that if orik could not become king then i'd have to support someone else who like us vardenese people. Orik got mad for a while. Then we finally got to the city, which surprisingly was a day's walk from the bregan hold place. So I got to see the little hilarious dwarves putting the pieces of that big blue broken jewel back together, that's right... saphira's supposed to fix that... heh heh. Then we got to rest for the rest of the day... my new tronjeim flat is not nearly as awesome as the dragon-top-floor-room I used to have.

Personal Status: resting...NKY...

Day Twenty-eight:

Been a couple days since I wrote... let's look back...

So we had a lot of BORING time spent in the dwarf council trying to pick a king. Then one day I took a break from the council and almost got killed by the dwarf mafia. So there was this huge investigation, and whadda ya know... Vermund the leader of Az Swelden Rak Anuin, the dwarves that hate me... was found guilty and BANNED! Ouch! So then they chose orik as the new king and had a drum party. Yadda yadda. So I went and scryed nasuada to tell her the news, she didn't really seem to care tooo much, must have been in the middle of trying a new recipe or something... preoccupation. So nasuada told saphira that she could fly in for the coronation and stuff. Then I found this really interesting dwarf soap novel... it was about these two people in this great war who fell in love, but then OH NO, the guy turned evil and couldn't be with the girl. So the girl takes on the impossible tack of defeating the dark lord, her boyfriend's master. So they can be together... Remind you of anyone? MURSUATAGH! I knew it! IT is meant to be! There's a whole book about it! Happy endings in store! I can see it now! Murtagh and nasuada get hitched. Saphira get's her lifelong dream of being a tap dancer, orik get's to be king of the dwarves (duh), galby dies, and I woo arya, but am too cool to marry her, and I fly off in saphira into the sunset! I can just see it... how nice.

Personal Status: Gonna be happy... king's adopted brother...butn not KING king...

Day Twenty-nine:

skipped a day. Saphira got here, and we had a not-so-picturesque reunion. She almost burned me to death, the dumb lizard. She was mad that the dwarves tried to kill me. So we went to the crowning, and the dwarves did some flower petal magic, that they thought was some big retarded diety, but I know better! Not fooled. So orik is king, and... miracle upon miracles! Saphira fixed that big broken rock, so everyone's happy. Then we partayed!

Personal Status: Almost 17!... not king yet...

Day Thirty:

So i'm on saphira's back... 1000 feet above the ground... flying. Writing in diary cuz I have nothing better to do today. We are flying to elesmera for a short blitz-vacation. Gotta get more wisdom really fast. Sooo... this has been bugging me for a while... This world is entirely too passive of it's birthdays. We have a birthday every year, but do we party? Noooooo! In carvahall we partied, oh yes! But out in the great wide world, nobody bats an eyes when you have a birthday. It's hurtful that's all I'm sayin'. I mean really! When I was traveling the road with Murtagh before we rescued arya, I had my 16th birthday and did we have cake? no. I didn't even mention it to Murt because I knew he would just roll those stupid eyes of his, and say SO WHAT? And saphira feels the same way, really! She should be having a hatching day party in a couple months now, and she says she better get one. Really, I am going to say something to nasuada about this, it irks me.

Personal Status: Irked... NKY...

Day Thirty-one:

still flying to elsemera. Came up against a nasty wasty headwind, it make saphira tired. Now I have chapped lips, doggone it!

Lips Status: Chapped... not the lips of a king...

Day Thirty-two:

Made it to Elsemera this morning. Very shocking revelations from oreo and the golden dragon. So we were just chatting over tea, learning about important stuff, when I get the urge to be frustrated with oreo. So I was like, Oreo why the heck didn't you tell me that murtagh was my brother, cuz there is no way you couldn't have known... it was probably all over the alagaesian times. So oreo was like, no eragon it wasn't in the news, you were a secret baby, oh and murtagh's not your brother he's your HALF-brother. Half bro. Half bro? HALF BRO! oh wow! So then saphira was all like... just tell him, I don't wanna keep the secret anymore! It's been kiling me forever! I always knew that dragons don't like secrets... she was keeping a secret from me! betrayal! So I was like, whaaa? Who's my father then, o wiiise ones? And glaedr the golden one, was like: uh duh... it's brom. BROM! Oh my gosh! So oreo told me the whole story about how Brom fell in love with Selena, and I also found out some nice things about my mother... she's not all evil like we thought before.

But really! My mother cheated on morzan and fell in love with BROM, the old guy who trained me? THE SCANDAL! really... I am relieved to not be the son of morzan, but also scandalized by the circumstances. Gracious! So then saphira showed me this little memory thing that brom recorded for me, and it was quite touching. Then oreo sent me off to see the sword maker rhunon. She's cranky. But I stopped at the elf-house they gave me to write down all this craycray news.

Personal Status: Brom's Son... scandalized... not king yet...

Day Thirty-three:

so I went to the rhunon lady, and she was still just as cranky as ever. I asked her to make me a sword and she said no. so I begged, and she still said no. apparently she swore she'd never make another weapon, AND she doesn't have any brightsteel, off the market it seems. So I went off to harass the menoa tree, cuz the werecat said that it had a weapon for us. Long time, no show, so saphira burned the tree and it got mad and alomost killed us. We seem to almost get killed a lot. So then we traded whatever she wanted from us for the hidden brightsteel she apparently had been hoarding for years. Then the old hag-tree didnt ask us for anything, loser. So basically we got a whole bunch of free metal! WHOOPIE! so we took it to rhunon and she was in awe of our awesome metal-obtaining abilities. So she thunk up a way to make me a really sweet sword. So she got inside my mind and used my body instead of hers to make the sword. Apparently this was the only way, and it was very annoying cuz 10 minutes into the porcess she started this deranged singing, and WOULD NOT STOP! Then finally after what seemed like FOREVER, she told me to go into her house and take a nap. Dragon riders don't nap... we regenerate. So after a looong regeneration period, I went back out to see if she was done. Bingo, she was. She dramatically pulled a cloth off the sword and handed it to me. It was long and blue and sharp, your basic sword. Except that it was MINE, all mine, and much cooler than murtagh's sword, which used to be mine. I am sooo awesome, and now I have an awesome sword to go with myself. So then the crank lady said I should name the sword. Well you can be darn certain I aint naming it anything moronic like MISERY. She told me to take my time cuz this was a big decision, but two seconds later I decided to name it Brisingr, my fave magic word, and then my sword caught on fire. Nifty right? So then I took my sword and showed oreo, he thought it was nifty too. Then we chatted some more, and they gave me this neato object that came out of glaedr's mouth. Apparently this is an ELDUNARI, and it's how Murt and Galby are so powerful. It will also act as a walkie talkie for us, yay. So then we were all on our way back to the varden, and oreo was going to join the elf army and reveal his existence to the world, gasp.

Personal Status: on the road again... hmm hmm hmm hmm...new sword... NKY...

Day Thirty-four:

on the road still. No head wind though, so it's been a nice trip so far. Gotta go to feinster, cuz that's where the varden is. Supposed to be a siege. That's cool, this will be my first seige.

Personal Status: just drifting...NKY...

Day Thirty-Five:

So I skipped a day, but hey, I been busy busy busy! Fighting the empire, yadda yadda. So we got there and that made everyone happy. Got to get back with the bodyguards and arya... the new ERG. So we went sniping through the city, and somehow got separated from the bodyguards. So then me and arya ran into another shade. Y'all remember durza, well no problem, I'M a shadeslayer. BAM! So then I accidentally touched G's eldunari and we got to see what those two were doing at the moment. So oreo and G were at gilead, ya know the place where we found arya, and they were facing off with good ol' evil murtagh. Well murtagh was upset about something, but then galby took over his body and talk with oreo a while. Then I stopped touching to rock thing and the shade in our own little world wanted a piece of us. So we started fighting and beofre we knew it the shade, who's name was varaug, had arya by the neck and way waving her around like a flag. Yikes. So then we defeated him, no big deal, but it was technically arya's sword that did the defeating, so now we can call her shadeslayer too. Oh boy, i'm losing my claims to fame. Then we got to see what happened to oreo. So galby/murt's body was fighting with oreo and company. It didn't go so well, cuz murt cut oreo from shoulder to hip and killed him, how sad, I cried and so did arya. Then thorn bit glaedr in the back of the neck and killed him too, only he didn't really die because his mind was now inside the eldunari thing. So then we were back in our own world again, and we were very sad, bawling really. And it was all cool though, because arya was so sad that she needed a nice looong hug. I am soo wooing her, and she doesn't even realize it! So then the bodyguards found us and we told them the sad news, and they mourned a while. Then I got to tell them that brom was my father, drinks all around right? Wrong, they were happy for me, but still too sad to celebrate. So then we went and found nasuada and told her all the news. She was happy that we'd been trained by another rider and dragon, sad that they were dead, happy that I don't have an evil father, sad that if she ever does marry murtagh then I will only be her half-brother-in-law. She didnt say the last one, but I heard it in her eyes... yes, I can hear eyes. Then she told us her master plan, but really she didn't sound too interested in it, we attack bellatona, dras leona, and then URUBAEN! Ambitious.

Personal Status: sad I guess... not king yet...

Day Thirty-six:

Heyyyy! It's been a while, but you wouldn't know that cuz you're a book not a person. Anyway I'm not sure exactly how long it's been, but we're in Belatona now, not Feinster. We are doing another siege though, which is fun, my second siege! Just about to get started so i'll tell ya how it goes later.

Personal Status: Besieging... not king yet, but someday...

Day Thirty-seven:

So the siege went okay. Nothing REALLY exciting happened, like yeah, I almost couldn't stay awake through it. So first thing once we walk through the door, this craycray soldier guy tries to ram a spear into my dragon, and the hired elves have to sing a special little song to get it out, then the evil people in the castle drop a wall on roran. So arya and blohdgarm and me have to go rescue him and then heal him cuz he got all bashed up. THEN we had to track down the top-dog and subdue him, and then we had to secure the city... what a day. Im pooped. BUT then something else happened! The Werecats army came and set up this alliance thing, so they will fight with us or something. Cat people are soooo strange, they make jokes that make absolutely NO sense. So now I finally get to eat and go to sleep. Like I said... pooped.

Personal Status: Pooped... not king yet...

Day Thirty-eight:

I never got to go to bed. Just as I was reaching for my nightie clothes someone knocked on my tent pole really hard and knocked the whole thing down, yelling something about some baby. Oh, so elain was gonna have her baby... well why now? why can't she wait til I am rested? So I went running off, onlt to sit around for hours while they baby came. Turns out some of the guys ain't so hip on arya, they thinkie she strango. Well when the baby finally got a move on and got born, turns out it had a catlip. So they gave me the little sunspot to fix up. Gertrude the village knitter had to come along to make sure alls well. To tell you the truth, alls tired. So as I was fixing the little tike, I was falling asleep, so I started jamming out to stay awake. When I got done, I had fixed the baby's face and it was morning. Jammin' through the night! WHOO! Then there was this big gratitude, ohh and ahh party for the baby, which they very originally named HOPE. Seriously horst? Hope? El braino lamo.

Personal Status: NOW I get to sleep...not king...

Day Thirty-Nine:

just chillin' today. Resting up from all the action packedness around these parts. I hear tell they're sending roran off to the back of beyond to take the city of Aroughs. Well you tell him nasuada, capture aroughs and you're one step closer to urubaen and your murtagh man. Nasutagha! Oops, I just said that aloud as I wrote it down... nasty habit. And I just know that the hired help elves heard me, they really are wild gossips. Goodness if this gets to Nasuada's ear i'm toast. Not necessarily toast, but she hasn't heard many of the Mursuatagh rumors because there haven't been any yet. But golly gee if I didn't just start one. Mehh... let them spread the news, then maybe we'll finally get a good romance out of this war. Besides Arya and I are officially just friends. But still I really don't wanna get whipped over the whole power couple thing.

What if nausada really doesn't like murtagh? NAH there's no way that's a bum lead. They're nuts for each other! Im certain of it.

Personal Status: Rumor hatcher...not king though...

Day Forty:

Yup. Nasuada heard about her epic romance yet to commence. She told me to come to her tent directly after lunch. That's good cuz I didn't want to miss lunch, it's taco day. Love me some tacos! The first thing she told me was that we were leaving belatona tomorrow, and continuing on towards urubaen. SHE SAID that she just wants to get the stupid dumb moronic war over with, and get back to civilization before she broke another nail, BUT I THINK that she just wants to see murtagh even sooner than we all thought. Getting love sick there Mursuatagh? Wouldn't surprise me a bit.

Personal Status: Not king yet...taco dayyy!

Day Forty-one:

one the road again! Hmm hmm hmm hmm! Except instead of being a galavanter, today im a tag along. The whole varden is now on the road to Dras Leona, at the pace of a fat snail in august. I remember the last time I was in dras leona... not fondly... me and ol' brom-dad were running for our lives. Then brom died remember and murtagh started taging onto me, like a pest, even thought the soup was good. Oh and then the time we rescued Katrina... but that was really helgrind, not dras leona. So anyway, while we were waiting for the daggone army to get it's rear in gear and MOVE ALREADY (!) I decided to have me some sword practice with the hired help elves and arya. I usually lost, very humbling. Then that old dead dragon glaedr, who now lives in his rock thing, spoke up and was like, "you're doing it wrong, use your eyes numbskull." which shocked everyone because previously glaedr had been somewhat of a recluse, since oreo died. Poor old oreo. So then the army started moving and sword practice was canceled for the rest of the day.

Personal Status: 16 and 8/12ths baby!...NKY...

Day Forty-two:

Was going to spend the day with bro-cousin roran, so we could do manly stuff or whatnot, but then I remembered that roran's in aroughs. Stupid war ruins all my fun.

Personal Status: watching clouds instead with saphira...i should be king by now...but no...

Day Forty-three:

still on the road... skipped a few days writing ... tired of traveling. Takes this army FOREVER to get places. But I guess i'm usually off saving the world elsewhere when the varden is on the war path, and so this is really the first time i've experience human snails. Man I really hate snails, they're so gross. Like seriously, if I ever see a giant snail, I don't really think they exist, but if they do... I might as well throw the war and head for the hills, cuz I will not want to live here anymore. Oh ok so, glaedr has really become more outgoing lately, cuz he's been teaching me how to do better In sword fighting and magic stuff. I beat arya the other day, score one for the humans! And roran's still gone, UGH!

Personal Status: bored...NKY...

Day Forty-four:

still on the road but something funny happened today... so like, when we stopped for lunch, nasuada went for a little private stroll. I don't know how she can call it private if she insists on all those ugly guards, but whatever. And that was it. …... NO that was not it, cuz that's not funny at all, DUHHHH. But then nasuada called me out to this big field and showed me this spot where "somebody" had written "Murtagh 3 Nasuada" really big in the dirt. Oh... I remember that. When I was on my way back from helgrind I wrote that, heh heh heh. Yeah, so she was like, Eragon... do you know anything about this? And I was like, nooooooo ma'am. And she had me spanked right then and there for lying! The nerve! And of course... the hired elves were no where around to stop this chastisement of my bottom, how handy. I didn't know nasuada preferred spankings over whippings, gosh she had the hide whipped off roran, why not spank him too? But of course writing in the dirt isn't really a whipping offense. Then of course we hit the road again.

Personal Status: spanked and smarting... not king yet because kings don't get spanked...

Day Forty-five:

haven't written in a few, but we made it to Dras Leona. Gonna launch an attack after we pitch all the tents, a safe distance from the city. Dras leona not a sight to see, ugly as sin. Gotta go pitch tent, and prepare for pitched battle.

Personal status: pitching that tent... NKY...

Day Forty-six:

So here's the thing... normally I wouldn't have written until after we had taken the city (SIEGE THREE!) but we didn't take the city. Awkward... this is what the deal is: so roran got back in time to help us take the city... that's good... but when we sent up a little dude to tell them to surrender the village smartmouth was there to exchange witty phrases and whatnot. Then the city said they wouldn't surrender, and we were like ROAAARRR... well saphira was anyway... and thorn was like: Ima jump onto this wall and reveal that the village smartmouth is actually murtagh- GASP! Well gee, like nobody saw that coming. And everyone looks a nasuada like... hey you gonna blow a kiss or what? She didn't, disappointing. So we kinda retreated to draw up some new attack plans, so here we are, lying in wait.

Personal Stats: buffaloing around with roran... NKY...

Day Forty-seven:

Day three of lying in wait... nobody had any brilliant ideas as to how to capture a city with a dragon on the walls. Have been sword fighting with the hirelings because I need to stay in shaaaape! I mean, I AM in shape, but I wanna stay that way. Anyway, we did this big group yoga class, it was great...

Personal Stats: Yogafied...NKY...

Day Forty-eight:

day eight of lying in wait... the dwarf army caught up with us today, led by orik the new king. This is a good thing, I guess, cuz it gives us more people.

Personal Stats: nothing really...not even king...

Day Forty-nine:

Day thriteen of lying in wait... things have been going on lately... haven't taken the city but have hatched a plot to do so... so every night for the past 3 nights we have pretended like we were gonna start a battle. So everyone in the city gets up so they can fight us... then we go back to bed... it's great, best prank ever! This apparently was nasuada's idea to tire murtagh out, so that when we do attack he'll be tired. She said some nonsense about sleep being murtagh's only weakness. ONLY WEAKNESS, how mushy can ya get, she must think he's superman! If he's superman then what does that make me since i'm cooler than him? It makes me king thats what, but i'm not king so murtagh is not superman... do you follow? So anyway, in a plot meeting 3 days ago jeod ran in with the blueprints to the sewer system, he is after all a book loving plumber, and told us about this secret way into the city. So we started waking up murtagh in preparation for this sneak attack. While some lucky people get to play action heros and sneak in, the rest of the army gets to attack for real. So tonight is the night, sneaky time. I have to go to nasuada's tent and find out who's going in with me.

Personal Stats: action hero...NKY...

Day Fifty:

So it was a looonng day today, to say the least. I went to nasuada's place last night for that meeting. Roran of course wanted to tag-along with me like he always does. Arya wanted to go, which is fine cuz every hero team needs a girl. Blohdgarm wanted to go, the creepy servant follows his master, he would resent that remark. Angela wanted to go, maybe to be the girl part of our team, but nobody knows if she's a girl or an old person, she sure looks young. Solembum wanted to go cuz of angela. And pretty much everybody else in the army wanted to go too. So where does our team stand... Me...Arya...Wyrden (hired elf)... Angela... Solembum. That's the gang... ERG! So then we snuck into the old sewer which wasn't really a sewer cuz it was clean. And eventually wyrden gets killed in some stupid trap, sneaky little sewer-builders. So then we ended up in this tunnel and all these assassins started trying to kill us and we sniped them, and then sniped some more dudes in black. Lots of men in black. Then we got separated from angela and solembum, and it was just arya and me. How cozy. But then for some unexplained reason, we were unconcious, and when we woke up we were hanging by our hands from chains. Oh and we were drugged too, no magic to save us. So then these priests of helgrind, the weird cannibal guys, came in with these two raz'zac eggs, and revealed very niftily that they worship the raz'zac. Eww, gross. So when those eggs hatched we were bug food. So the creeps left us to die. Then this dude tried to save us, then tried to kill us, then passed out. Then the eggs started hatching, oh bother, and arya did something really dumb even for an elf. She pulled all the skin off her hand to get herself out of one of her handcuffs. GROSS! It was soo sick, I almost puked, but we were gagged and that would have been a mess. Then angela came back and saved us and solembum killed the eggs. So we made it out of the tunnels and BAM we were in that big old church at the center of the city. Then we fought all these priests, not the good kind, and killed even the ugly gross one with no arms or legs. We got our swords back, and were on our way to the gate to open it for the army. Oh yeah, I lost my belt too. So we were doing that cool cape thing as we walked through the city, you know, where you lurk a lot. Murtagh was really good at it, but I think I might just be better. Who am I kidding, of course i'm better! So saphira started attacking the cathedral we were just in to keep thorn and murt's attention on her, big battle yadda yadda, she tore the church down and dropped it onto murt and thorn. They were ticked. So we got to the gate to find this ginormo pile of junk in front of it. Well this was going to take forever! Then saphira and thorn wee fighting overhead, trying to make my job even more difficult. So then murtagh and thorn were closing in on us, so I was like THINK QUICKLY. And I did. I used all the energy in my dad's ring to blow all that junk up into thorn and murt's sorry faces. Took them out. Then the gate opened and the varden started to take the city like good little rebels. Then murtagh came back just briefly to say all this ominous stuff: I'll be back brother, you can bet your buttons. Yadda yadda. We took the city hooray.

Personal Stats: Beat...NKY...

Day Fifty-one:

so last night was a pretty bad night. Well, about half and half. Arya came to my tent and was all down about wyrden dying, so she brought booze. Gee arya, what does this tell me about your drinking habits... perhaps that you have one! So we both got drunk on this nasty elf liquor that apparently was wyrdens. And then this crazy piccolo guy was all let me play this wacko song for no reason. So arya got up and danced, because all of the sudden she's a party hard elf, not a reserved princess elf. I guess I should mark this down as a romantic event, since I am in love with arya or whatever. So then some loud mouth dragon went roar, but it wasn't saphira. So we dashed from the tent, still drunk as a pair of skunks, to see what the hubub was. Man was I dizzy. And saphira was woken up from a nap. Then we were running around and killing soldiers, and saphira was fighting thorn, and they were rolling all over creation like morons. It was a mess. Found out for the fourth time or something that angela can use anything as a weapon: wool carders, don't ask. Then arya did some anti-drunk magic and I was fine again. Then I almost made it to nasuada's tent because she probably needed protection. Yup, she needed protection, all her guards were lying on the ground. But then thorn landed next to the tent and murtagh came out of the tent HAND IN HAND with nasuada. So it's true! MURSUATAGH! but then thorn picked them off and flew away. Was this the world's craziest elopement? But then we tried to get her back and arya got nearly-massacred by thorn's tail, and we decided that it wasn't an act of love... this was an evil kidnapping! Galby strikes again! So now what? Nasuada was long gone. Then King Orrin fo Surda called a little emergency meeting of the leaders. Then before I knew what was happening, they made ME leader of the varden. YES! it's not king but hey! It's LEADERSHIP. Okay so cool. First new rule: we will have birthdays in this army! They all liked that idea. Then orrin made some big stink about people influencing me, I told him to shut it. So we wpent the entire afternoon figuring out things, and designing my new stationary, must have that. Sent a letter off to queen Islanzadi, told her to get with it, we got war to wage. Okay, that's all that happened, pretty shocking stuff right?

Personal status: LEADER... KING OF THE VARDEN!

Day Fifty-two:

I was in my tent last night... yes MY tent, apparently they didn't think their new leader-king deserved a pavilion. Now that nasuada's gone and i'm the top dog, I can totally see how nasuada's tent was a pavilion and not a tent. I have decided to call my tent "Eragon's pavilion" it's small, yes, but tasteful. So anyway, I was in my tent, studying domia abr wyrda, that dumb book jeod gave me in thanks for the GOLD I gave him. Books for gold, still doesn't seem fair. But I was reading it and then I thought of solembum. I was bored and put the book down. So I mind-summoned solembum to my tent... like I said, bored. He came and we chatted a while, and we got to talking about the prophecy he gave me back in teirim, which he so thoughtfully did not remember. I reminded him, and he was like, ohhh that prophecy. He said I should probably read DAW to figure it out. Excuse me? Hadn't I just been doing that? So I got out the fat book again. Then solembum did something creepy. He went all robot and rambled off these book pages. Then he went back to normal and didn't remember a thing. So we read the pages and viola! Discovered the location of the vault of souls! It's on Vroenguard. So... long story short, i'm taking another road trip to vroenguard. Man arya was jealous! So it's this big secret, and only a few people know, and the hired elves made this fake saphira and fake me. Oh and they made me give a speech to the army before I left. I had to tell them all what happened to nasuada. Note: they like me better.

Personal Stats: road trip...not really a king yet...but sorta...

Day Fifty-three:

So ususally I get to sleep at night, right? Not this time. I've just spent a full day on saphira's back flying. We're above the spine now, and there's a really nice moon out, so I thought I might as well write. Glaedr is currently rambling on about his good old days, almost getting killed by the forsworn with oreo. Story is soooo boring. He's to preoccupied to notice that im not paying attention, because saphira is.

Personal stats: bored... NKY...

Day Fifty-six:

So after I wrote last night, we reached the sea. Yeah it was still dark, but we landed on the beach so I could take a run by the sea like i've always wanted to. Glaedr wanted to fly up the coast and then to vroenguard, but saphira said it would take too long... so we're going straight across the sea. Whoop whoop. Only problem now is that there's a ginormous storm up ahead that we have to fly through. I'll fill ya in later.

Personal Stats: still bored...NKY...

Day Fifty-six:

yeah, the storm was a doozy. Lots of lightning, rain, ice shards flying around. Then saphira said she wanted to sit down a minute before going into the storm. Crazy dragon sat on the water and we almost got eaten by a nidhwal. I thought EVERYONE knew about nidhwals! Is what glaedr said. Well news flash- we didn't. So we saved ourselves and got blown around by the wind some more. Then the storm got really bad, and we decided to fly way way way above it. That's really high, like higher than the dwarf's mountains. And the last time we tried to fly that high, we lost consciousness and almost plummeted to our deaths. But this time glaedr told us about this handy little spell that would keep us warm and breathing through the whole thing. So we flew all the way up yonder, and guess what, we're all idiots. The world ain't flat, it's round. So eventually we came back down and saw vroenguard. Now we're almost to our landing spot.

Personal Stats: the world is round... NKY...

Day Fifty-seven:

my goodness this place is strange. We landed in this GINORMOUS ruined city. Ginormous on account of it having been built for dragon and riders. Then glaedr told us to cast this spell to ward off the natural POISON. Thanks for the advanced warning buddy. Also, since this place had been abandoned, the island has literally become really creepy and probably haunted. There are like hundreds of dragon skeletons lying around here... gross and creppy right? Also there's this really huge one, the hugest one i've ever seen. Glaedr apparently used to no this dragon too, cue creepy back story. The dude dragon's name was belgabad, and he was a HUGE wild dragon, like the biggest of his time, and he died trying to help us out in the rider war, but apparently we lost, the end. Amazingly it only took us like 5 minutes to find the rock of kuthian, where the vault of souls was supposed to be. But we decided not to open it until tomorrow, cuz we're all pooped. So glaedr and saphira started snoozing, but I wasn't really all that pooped, so I decided to look around a little. All I saw were some weird leaves.

Personal Stats: sleeping now...NKY...

Day Fifty-eight:

this morning I got up and started to really look around, since it was dark last night. First thing I saw were squirrels, AMAZING! Also saw some crazy pine trees with bunches of like SEVEN needles! Excessive. I saw these disgusting white maggots that were hopping around and goin' skree skree, like what maggots do you know of that talk? Crazy town! Then I found out that those squirrel things were not squrrels, they were creepy shadow birds. Then I went back to camp and built a niiice camp fire so we could cook all the food we didn't bring. At least... we didn't bring much. I kinda spent a minute reminiscing the times murtagh used to make us soup when we were on the run together. Then I got over it. Then we decided to take another nap, for no good reason. Then glaedr woke us up and was like, would ya look at that. We looked. OH MY GOSH I don't even want to live in alagaesia anymore. It was a giant snail, not kidding. Saphira killed it though, so it was cool. What wasn't cool was what we ate for breakfast... snail. Then FINALLY glaedr let us go try to open the vault thing. So we tried using our names in a bunch of different ways, but no dice. We even tried open sesame, still no dice. So then we figured that we had to try our TRUE names, which saphira and I did not know. Problem, yes.

Personal Stats: thinking about true name...maybe it's arnold?...not king yet...

Day Fifty-nine:

spent the rest of yesterday pondering what my true name could be. Not too much luck. When I took a break I scryed a bunch of people, just to see how all was back at the varden. Roran's fine. Arya put up some dumb spell to keep me from scrying her, HOW RUDE. Then after dinner, which I didn't eat cuz it was just gross cold snail leftovers, saphira figured out her name. Then she told me and I was like... cool. Guess i'll have to keep working on it.

Personal Stats: hungry...NKY...

Day Sixty:

had a fight with a snail last night. Stayed up all night too. Climbed up this big tall spire thing and just stood there trying not to plummet to my death. Once I mastered the heights, I did some yoga up there just to be a boss. Then just as dawn was rolling around, I figured out my name...it's not arnold. But I probably shouldn't write it down, for security reasons. So now we're going to open the vault of souls.

Personal Stats: not Arnold... not destined to be king either, says my name...pout...

Day Sixty:

we opened the vault today. Apparently there is a memory spell involved, because I can't remember a thing about what was inside. Except now I have a whole bunch more eldunari with me, and I assume they cam from the vault. There's one that talks almost as much as glaedr, which is annoying, and the name is Umaroth. Why does everybody have such dumb names in this place? Also a really old coot dragon too, he don't talk much, mercifully. Well anyway, we're on our way back to the varden now. Wouldn't it be nice if the war was over when we got there?

Personal Stats: Flying high...still pouting about never being king...had my hopes up...

Day Sixty-one:

still flying... not much else to write about...

Personal Stats: well if I can't be king then neither can murtagh... nobody would pick him anyway...

Day Sixty-two:

made it back to the varden. We're camped right stinkin' outside urubaen. Had a nice little get together with everybody who's anybody outside camp. In attendance: me, saphira, all the dumb dead dragons, roran, orik, blohdgarm, arya, arya's mom, , orrin, and jormundor. Fun group. Except that orrin's cranky, islanzadi doesn't really like me, and arya doesn't wanna marry me, ever. But other than all that, fun group. So we talked a while then plotted my induction back into the varden so everyone will think I never left. The induction went well, and before I knew it, I got my tent back...oh right, my PAVILLION. Now we have a plan to attack with, which is totally cool, I love plans. Sending in a super attack squad to kill galby, probably kill murtagh (ending all possibility of Mursuatagh), and rescuing nasuada. And the squad, or as I like to call it ERG v.2, consists of moi, moi dragon, moi girl-friend-I-wish-Arya, moi bodyguards, and moi-blessing-gone-bad-Elva. Moi moi moi! So when I was going to elva's tent to convince her to come along, galby's stolen dragon flew around and tried to scare us. Didn't work, but DANNGG is he big. El Drago Fato. Oh and elva said that he's crazy too, in a very creepy I wanna kill everything sort of way. Okay... Im gonna get a tiny bit of sleep before we attack the citay. This has been a long time coming, and it had better be epic!

Personal Stats: nobody gets to be king if I can't be king!...

Day Sixty-three:

boy howdy has it been a looooooong day! After I got up, before dawn like a barbarian, me and elva went to sit on a hill and wait for our time to attack. Meanwhile I got to see all the varden buffoons sneaking up on the city in their quiet shoes. They made a fake saphira and fake me to go with the army, a DIVERSION arya said, and I got out my dictionary. So eventually the people in the city noticed: hey, I think we're being attacked! So then the siege began, fun stuff. But me and da gang were flying invisible past the castle walls, our mission? Open the gates, just like in dras leona. Once we were almost to our landing spot our spell of ivisibility failed, bummer, and we had to be all sneaky because murtagh was supposed to fight fake us, not real us. So far, he fell for it. Then we used that spear thing that they tried to kill saphira with in belatona to walk right into the keep. We broke the gate mechanisms so that the varden could just prance on in with no problem. Soo.. we faced this really loooong hallway, that we had to go down. No problem except that it was booby-trapped. Darn. So we went all action hero and dodged all the traps, a cinch. The we got to these HUGE golden doors, and like polite little people, we knocked. We were raised right, you gotta hand us that. But apparently galby was not raised in a like manner, be cause he magically dragged off our bodyguards. So arya, saphira, elva and I brushed the dirt off our everything and went inside to meet a king. All im saying is: dark room, very cliché. Them this voice, probably galby's, that sounded like the man had eaten nothing but chocolate his whole life (not fat just sweet and rich and deep), was all like: it's about time you snails got here, come on in. so we went all heroic saunter down the throne room towards where we figured the throne was, kinda dark right? The king was tall, even sitting down and maybe even taller than murtagh, he had black hair, black clothes, and black EVERYTHING! Geesh, so much black... and don't even get me started on the decor... such a dump! So we talked a bit, then I tried to kill him with magic, and he stopped me with this word, which I couldn't recall at the time. Then he brought out these snotty kids and used them as hostages... you try to kill me and there toast kinda thing... get the jiff? Then the king blabbed some more. Than we realized that shruikan was in the room too, bad news, he's ginormous. Then galby said that the word he was using to stop all our spells, and annoying habbit, was the name of the magic language, ooohhh bummer. Bad news, nope hope of victory once we heard that. I mentally began to write my epitaph. Then murtagh got there with thorn, HAIL HAIL THE GANG's ALL HERE! And galby got all up in his face about being late. The murt was like, hey it's not my fault your gate was so hard to fix! And then galby was like don't blame me or you're dead. Murt backed down after that. Then, to the increasing drama, galby revealed that nasuada was actually in the room too chained to a big rock, and he didn't use magic to do so really, all he had to do was turn on a couple lights. And she was all like, eww eragon, you look horrible, what have you done to my varden? Excuse me but I don't know what I did to deserve that because I didn't wreck the varden and I didn't look bad... I looked FABULOUS! Then it struck me that she may be working for galby now, and that I best not trust her just yet. So I challenged galby to a duel, very heroically, but he just sent murtagh to fight me instead. No probs, I had this. So we did the classic circling action, before getting down to hacking away at each other. Guess who got cut first... me. And who got cut second...me again.. BUT, I cut murtagh third, and the third time's the charm! I've got my head on straight. So we were fighting for like HOURS! so eventually glaedr's voice got in my head, not his actually voice just me remembering what he had said in the past... Eragon you need to see with your eyes... or some such drivel. And I realized that neither murt or I was winning. And also that murt had been right all along, he was the (da) man, and he was better at this than me. Murt was fighting hard for some reason, like he had everything to lose. So I squinted real hard and tried to figure out what it was that was letting murt beat me slowly. And then I figured it out. Murtagh would never lose this fight, so I had to let him win... surrender maybe? So just as I was about to save my own hide by surrendering, I did something really dumb. I was tired, and I accidentally let my sword arm drift away from my important areas, like the heart liver and lungs. Murtagh didn't HAVE to take advantage of my tiredness, but since he's a JERK he went right ahead and stabbed me through the side. Two words: OU CHEE. But the bungler missed all the important areas thank goodness, im too young to die. I was a bit ticked at this effrontery, and decided that the best course of action was to plunge my much nicer sword into his stomach. And murtagh really took it like a man, if you really wanna call him that... I don't. He sunk to his knees and was all pale, but stoic... very stoic. And he was all like, you dork you couldn't just let me win? HECK no. heck no, heck no. I am the champo, and you is the chumpo! Oh I forgot to mention my big dramatic moment... before we fought I got to reveal that my dad is BROM! galby was interested in that juicy little tidbit. Back to me beating murtagh... as I figured murtagh had wanted to win so he could win galby's favor and save the lovely nasuada. Mursuatagh! I KNEEEWWWW ITTTT! true love conquers all... except for eragon, it doesn't conquer him. So galby was like, you win eragon... and we were like YAY! but then galby was like, oh look it's time to make you all my slaves. So we stated up this epic mind battle, and galby was really good at mind fighting. But then murtagh helped us out, cuz apparently he wasn't dead, and he shouted the big magic word and stripped galby of his protective spells and whatnot. Then galby put murt to sleep cuz he was mad at him for escaping the name slavery. Then I cast this mega cool spell that was so deep I can't even explain in. and galb was like, wow I really have been a horrible person to you all, and not to mention to the rest of the entire world. He was a little distracted so I took that golden opportunity to plunge my very nice sword into his heart. But could he just die from that clearly fatal wound? no. he had to go use this dumb "be not" spell, which made him die and then promptly explode. We really could have done without the explosion bit. The arya killed shruikan through the eye, cuz she had to do something the disgusting way I guess. Well because galby explode so promptly after his spell, I had to cast a general spell of protection over all the people in the room, and so I didn't have time to pick and choose who I wanted to save, because I wouldn't have saved murtagh, he's annoying. But my spell pulled everyone over to nasuada's rock, which murtagh unchained her from since he was apparently not sleeping anymore. Then we all escaped, with the exception of arya and the bodyguards who went to save that last dragon egg. The rest of us made It to the courtyard and the throne room collapsed. Flimsy architecture. Murtagh healed himself and thorn, and I healed me and saphira. Then murtagh healed nasuada, and I was totally going to be his best man at the wedding I knew there would be now. So then arya and the bodyguards made it out with the egg and a bunch of eldunari. The egg was okay looking, but green like snot and broccoli and stuff. And then, you won't believe this... murtagh flew away! Like DUDE, the love of your life is here, not 1000 feet up! And nasuada was a might tearful, but wouldn't really tell me what was going on, was all like: he's gone. I can see that genius. Then I remembered what was in the vault of souls . DRAGON EGGS! neato! But then I decided to go fly after murtagh and see what his deal was. So when I caught up to him, he was all like: i'm leaving, gonna fly up north because I wanna be free. And I was like, no Mursuatagh? And he was like, not today kiddo. Maybe sometime in the future, but this murtagh can't be tamed just yet, I am the rogue! He was the rouge, apparently, just like the good old days. Wait...kiddo? KIDDO, really? Sooo... there wasn't going to be a mursuatagh, or nasutagha. Murtagh was going to be murtagh. Murtagh the rogue, the hotshot, the adventurer. It actually sounded like a good life, believe it or not. So we had a little brotherly moment, and said the word brother a lot. And then I got to talk to thorn, who had a really girly voice! and then glaedr talked to murt and said a bunch of wise stuff. And then murtagh flipped his hair (I hate it when he does that), got on his dragon, and flew off into the sunset. Well, that was that.

Personal Stats: ding dong the galb is dead... murtagh a rogue... mursuatagh is a bust...

Day Sixty-four:

so after I got back from seeing murtagh off yesterday there was a lot to do. We had to secure urubaen, and filter the poisons out of the air, provided so thoughtfully by galby's explosion. And then, nobody important got to sleep, because we had to pick a new ruler for the empire. So everyone went up to the highest tower and started yakking away. Of course, Orrin wanted to be king, because he's a butthead like that. Nasuada wanted to be queen, cuz she led the varden and stuff. Then someone was like, hey maybe eragon should be king. And then before I got to say a word everyone looked at each other, smiled and was like naaaaah. GEE thanks guys. So after a bid long argument, Nasuada gets to be queen, and there will be a new boundary between surda and the empire to shut orrin up. That just about sums that up. So technically, nobody's king...but now there's a queen. I guess I should mention that I feel rather empty inside... perhaps because queen nasuada never lets me sit still long enough to eat ANYTHING! yeah we're still in urubaen, but that doesn't mean it's vaca time, there's chores to do.

Personal Stats: not king OR queen... really busy...empty...

Day Sixty-five:

haven't written in days. After 4 days of being in the capitol city, the queen sent me out to do royal missions. Remember a long time ago when I pledged myself to be her vassal? Well I take it all back, yes indeedy, except i'm apparently not allowed to take it back. Forever in the service of the queen. By the way, ia have to call her "Your Majesty" now cuz she's a queen... what like she's not my friend anymore? Not just nasuada? That's getting' mighty uppity for an 18 year old, i'll tel you what. Also she told me the whole big deal about her captivity, and sure i'll admit, she's a tough cookie, but that gives her no right to be so demandy. And also I have a better opinion of that brother of mine, murt. He really can be decent I guess, and maybe... just maybe I miss him a little bit. OH, by the way... before I was evicted from the city onmy royal missions, nasuada got crowned and stuff. It was a nice event, scored me up some fancy duds to wear that I got to keep. I guess I haven't exactly been on top of the fashions lately, but I shoud get points for doing the best with what I had. Nasuada wore this ridiculous train with that spotted fur on it, good grief, and this nifty dress that made her look gorgeous if I do say so myself. Murtagh probably would have thought so too...maybe, I mean did he actually love her? He never actually said. Now I have to spend the rest of my life disappointed that mursuatagh didn't work out... we'll never know what might have happened. Roran and arya are disappointed too. Nobody can resist a good romance... and if indeed there was a real romance then it ended rather nicely... the guy flies off and is never seen by his dearest love again... sighhhh. Anyways, then I had to go to all these cities and de-galby them and deal with everyone's issues, work work work. I got to visit Dad's grave... and I changed the epitaph just for the heck of it. Now we're on our way back to urubaen and hopefully a vacation.

Personal Stats: busy but still bored with the happenings...

Day Sixty-six:

got back and found that nasuada changed urubaen back to the original name: Ilirea. Fine with me. It's been about 2 ½ weeks since we blew up galby, so it's about time we made some positive changes around here. Bad news, my little lady skipped off to her magical forest and left some dumb letter for me. The letter isn't bad, just the fact that arya's not here anymore... HEY LADY, we're supposed to have this epic romance thing! Don't even try to argue cuz angela said it was in my fortune, so coud you maybe just COOPERATE for a minute? Of I know that she doesn't apeer to like me as more than a friend, but that's small potatoes... it was in my fortune. Of course if the whole romance thing turns out to be a bust, I can always sue angela for everything she's got. That's a good plan, I like that. But anyway, arya took the green dragon egg with her because she figured that the next dragon rider should be an elf, okay fine whatever. Oh and they wanted to bury the elf queen too, oh... I didn't tell you that did I? Yeah... Islanzadi got the hook, shes deader than a doornail. Fine... she never liked me anyway. But arya was very sad about it. What I don't get is that she died trying to defeat galby's super strong general, but then roran just waltzes in and beats him in two minutes flat... I don't think soo. And arya took that egg back to

the forest cuz she thought the next rider should be an elf... fine with me. Also she sending my old buddy Vanir to be the new ambassador for the elves, since arya went back to her old job of being the egg courier. That's good, because now that murt's gone and roran is all married and stuff, I can pal around with vanir! WE DA MEN!

Personal Stats: da men...

Day sixty-seven:

Tried to do something nice today, offered to take the curse off elva, but she said NO! That's what you get for being angelic, you bunch of ingrates! Oh okay... the word is that im in for ANOTHER road trip. I just wanna rest and eat my weight in cheez-its..

Stats: got tired of writing personal... angelic...

Day Sixty-eight:

Ended up flying to Ceunon. Had never been here before... it's kinda neat. We stayed three nights in a five star hotel... not so great considering that the best hotels have like 20 stars these days. On the way back to Ilirea we landed in burned up carvahall. It wasn't much to look at... but it was home. Then we had a lovely soup dinner by the remains of morn's tavern. The soup wasn't as great as murt's, but oh well. Then we stared back for ilirea, except that halfway nasuada contacted us and sent us to teirim. The people there don't want nasuada to rule them... and I will admit that she is bossy, but there's no call to be so annoying about it. So we fixed it up for them so that they could be their own little baby country, under the high-queenship of Nasuada.

Stats: souped out...just kidding can never get enough soup..

Day Sixty-nine:

we just back to Iliria after the teirim thing. It's been about 4 weeks since the galby explosion. Do we get to rest now? NO. one nights sleep and then we have to start finding all the treasures that galby was hoarding away, the pack rat. And did I mention that on our way back from Teirim, nasuada was like, well while you're over that ways stop by kuasta and narda and fix everything there. At least nasuada said we could stay put for a couple weeks before hitting the road again. I don't care how great a queen she is... nasuada is BOSSY!

Personal Stats: bossed around...

Day Seventy:

went out to this castle outside the city to visit the bodyguards who are giving therapy to the eldunari galby bugged for all those years. Have to say, my hall is much nicer than this whole dang castle. My hall is right next to nasuada's which makes it important. Starting work finding those treasures today. Yay.

Stats: working...

Day Seventy-one:

so i've been working in ilirea now for about 2 weeks, and have found many awesome stuffs. Lots of dangerous stuff, whichi only tell nasuada and saphira about, cuz im mysterious like that. We found a bunch of non-dangerous riches too, which nasuada is using to feed and clothe everyone. She's also rebuilding everything we broke while conquering the empire, and giving every one of her subjects a little pocket money. I sure hope there's still some monies left over to reward a certain handsome vassal, cuz my hall needs a jacuzzi. Oh and hey, we found like 367 rider swords, ya know the ones that rhunon the crank made? And then we found all the millions of books and scrolls that were in the part of the hoard called the library. We put jeod to work on that, books aint really my thing.

Stats: only diary books are my thing...

Day Seventy-two:

well now it's been about 3 months since the overthrow, and we've been on the road again. Doing whatever the bossy one tells us to do and searching for a place that the dragon eggs and eldunari will be safe... so far no luck. I thought maybe we could use those mountains in the middle of the desert, but they are too hot, dry, and foodless, so no. Oh and guess what! I'm seventeen now! My birthday was a week ago! And thanks to the law I made when I was the varden king-guy we threw this big bash, and partied like maniacs! I got to have cake too! it was delivered from the north, by this amazing cake decorator! Nasuada gave me this card that the cake maker sent. Here it is.

Hey bro... hope you like the cake, it took me a week to make. Hey the north is great! Having the time of our lives, and getting over our hostilities and all that good stuff! Word is up here that you're kinda bummed, no worries, just smile and pretend you look as good as I do, it'll make ya feel better.

Your Bro,

Murtagh.

Good ol' murt! I gave his suggestion a try and he's right, it did make me feel better. But I think he may have insulted me.

Stats: happy belated birthday to MEEEEE! 17!...

Day Seventy-three:

been doing more missions, bout two more months gone by. Getting freaky cold around here! Have been thinking profound thoughts about arya... the jerk never visits. But I am a forbearing lover, and therefore I will wait. Uhg, people have been trying to kill nasuada left and right, probably not even friends of galby either, just people she's bossed around. Also some ingrates have started uprisings and stuff, messy business.

Day Seventy-four:

for once I didn't miss a day in writing! Katrina had her baby today. They named her Ismira, after katrina's mom. Really? What a crazy name! The kid has this really weird single lock of red hair on the very top of her head. Oh I can see this one turning into raving beauty... one lock of hair.

Stats: Ima Uncle...

Day Seventy-five:

Today, day after baby born... nasuada made roran an earl, and gave him all of Palancar valley as his domain. Okay cool. She tried to make me a duke... but I said no, because eventually i'll be prince of the elves when I marry arya right? And if i'm already a duke or whatever, they might refuse to call me prince eragon. So hey... i'll be a prince eventually... ... but will they call me prince... or will I just be the princess' husband...well alrighty then! I can live with that.

Stats: coulda been a duke...

Day Seventy-six:

three days after being almost duked... nasuada called me in for a little conference. Talk about bossy, now she wants to contro all the use of magic among humans. So that's what the conference was about. Really the word conference means two or more people "conferring" on a topic of their choice. I didn't get to pick the topic and I didn't get to confer much either...not much of a conference. Told her I thought It was gonna be bloody hard to do that stuff, but she went ahead and didn't listen. All i'm sayin' is that her plan has a few flaws that she can't work out... like what is the magicians of the empire don't want to be bossed around? Oh, and then she asked me if I wanted to be in charge of all the human magicians... toughie. Told her I would think about it. Ugh, decisions decisions!

Stats: Puzzled and pondering...

Day Seventy-seven:

gosh... maybe nasuada wants me to be in charge of all the magic because i'm charismatic and people will follow my lead. GASP! Maybe she's over murtagh already and is now in love with me! Oh no... Ersuagon? Nasugona? It's just not right! Im gonna marry arya, but I don't wanna break poor nasuada's heart. Oh bother... why am I such a heartbreaker? Why do the ladies love me so? Deep in my heart I know that it's Erya (or aragon) forever. On the up and up of events, received a letter from arya last night... finally... the jerk finally answered the one I sent her 5 months ago! It came on a little grass ship that arya made... dexterous little elf fingers. She said that the elves finally chose a new ruler... yadda yadda... she wants to meet me by the ramr river tomorrow. Cool, it's a date.

Stats: heartbreaker... going on a date...

Day Seventy-eight:

cool news... so we went to that river and waited for FOREVER for arya to get there. And then low and behold... here she comes swooping in on a stinkin' dragon... so saphira got all slap happy and took off rather quickly to meet it, carrying me with her. Honestly saphira! Can't we just wait on the GROUND for the dragon to land? So then we figure out that the rider is arya... NO! (heavy sarcasm) so we all landed and ran to each other, not to hug, though it woulda been nice, and I saw that arya had this crazy tiara thing on. Talk about your bling bling. So hey, arya was queen of the elves... Neato... imma gonna be a king someday after all! So she introduced her dragon around... he's a cool dude named Firnen, and all green and stuff. So arya and I chatted while saphira and firnen got acquainted. So they she showed off her rider sword, which was Tamerlein, an old sword that rhunon reworked for arya. My sword is much nicer, and brand new, custom made shall we say. And then a little dragon fight broke out, and we were both like: KNOCK IT OFF. Apparently though it wasn't a fight, just stinkin' love at first sight. Safirna, Firphirnena? Crazy right? Our dragon are in love! and then firnen breathed fire for the first time, and probably burnt up a bunch of air we could have used for breathing. Then they flew off to go be in love in the sky, thank goodness, i'm not one for mushy dragons. And then arya and I were very awkwardly quiet for a while, but it was cool. So I got bored and made a fairth of arya, remember she broke my first one. It was a very nice fairth, but I saved arya the trouble and threw it to the ground to break it. BUT NO, she had to have the satisfaction of breaking every fairth I ever made even though she hadn't even seen it yet, and she used magic to save it and float it up to her... so she could break it herself probably. She looked at it for like an hour, and then she didn't break it... whaaaat? Then she was all like: eragon I want to tell you my true name. And I was like: cool, lay it on me sista. So she told me and I was like: your name is a good name. That was lame of me... how about nice name... MARRY ME! Then I told her my name, and she was like: not arnold is it? Oh well, your name is a good name too. Then things escalated from there and I was like: sooooo, what about "us" these days" and she was like: well as you know, the answer used to be eww, but you are still young, and you probs won't like me forever. And I was like: you kidding me? I will ALWAYS love you. (wow, in hindsight I may have sounded a touch desperate) and she was like: well then maybe some day, we can have dinner or get married or something. And I was like: but i'm leaving alagaesia. ( yes this is the decision i've decided upon, leave alagaesia and raise the dragons in the far east, nifty right... and lonely) and she was like: okaaayyy. And I was like: hey, here's an idea, give up your throne and come with us, it'll be fun I promise! And she was like: NO! I am the queen, are you crazy? Do you know hoe long i've waited to rule? Only 100 years that's all. Would YOU give up control of the eggs. Me: nope. Arya: are you sure this is the only way. Me: yup. Arya: well I can't go with you. Me: Okay then... we shall part ways... i'll take the high road, and you take the low road. Arya: why do you get the high road? Me: just shut up. So we stood there being really sad, because we were breaking up before we even got together... sigh. And then...oh my gosh (!)... arya touched my hand, and we HELD HANDS for like forever! I KNEW ITTTTT! she can't resist my boyish charms... she's finally fallen for the E man.

Stats: In love... with someone who finally loves me back! SCORE!...

Day Seventy-nine:

oh my gosh, firnen and saphira will NOT stop carrying on...how much they love each other, it's sickening! Ewwww! nasuada called me into her hall today to talk. When I went in she was listening to this really sad love song... didn't have the heart to tell her about the hand holding episode yesterday... it would break her heart. But after the song she really seemed to be in a good mood. I said I thought it was the music, but she said that it was something elva told her. Apparently her majesty had been a little down in the dumps since becoming the supreme regent of the land, like that wouldn't make anybody happy, and she had been over thinking what she had "endured and lost", but now she was happy again. Lost... probably talking about losing murt... I suppose it makes sense that she'll really never get over him completely, even though she's moved on. So then we got down to the nitty gritty business stuff. She asked us if we had decided about the magic club thing. I said that we had. And she was like, that's great, now we can get started on everything, and blah blah blah blah. And I was like... oh uh, this is awkward... the answer is no. she was like... whaaaaa? And I was like yeah, we're leaving alagaesia. And she was like EXCUSE ME? So I explained and stuff, and she was not so happy. She was like: I could order you to stay ya know... whaddaya think about that, huh? I was like... you have no power here lady, I am going whether you like it or not. She was bummed. She wanted to know the big magic word, and I wouldn't tell her, for honorable reasons of course, and I told her to beware of murtagh, cuz he's the only other one who knows the word. And she was like... why would I worry about him? Then I told her my plan to alter the dragon rider spell so that urgals and dwarves could be riders to. How thoughtful of me, right? So then I announced that I was leaving when arya goes back to the forrest. Thats soon. Oh oh oh! THEN nasuada got a little teary... who wouldn't if their new true love were heading out to the distant yonder without them, and she hugged me. Gracious...and she gave us her blessing. Might as well have flew a flag with: I LOVE ERAGON on it. So I left nasuada's hall and ran into angela who was knitting as usual. We call her everything from witch to herbalist... but never angela the knitter. She doesn't like nasuada's magic plans, surprise, and she already knows my secret travel plans, the sneak! She also said this weird word... Raxacori... but passed me off as too dumb to know what it means. Okay then. Angela can never seem to see the popular view of people, but that's because she's strange. Take arya for instance... the popular view is that she's beautiful and exotic...but from angela's point of view she's homely and common as dirt. Popularly I am seen as smart, tall, and handsome as heck... but angela probably thinks im retarded, average, and worse than homely. Like maybe the image of homeliness... murtagh was always mumbling that he was the image of something or other... I can think of a few... ugly, confusion, a big fat fatty... just to name a few. I wonder how the roving bachelor thing is working out for him.

Stats: heartbreaker...

Day Eighty:

Have been making travel preparations and side trips to various people and what not. Very busy. Leaving Illerea soonish, haven't told nasuada exactly when... gotta postpone the heartbreak. Poor girl, she'll never find anyone as great as me as long as she lives. Had to tell roran im leaving a couple days ago... not a good reaction. Lots of yelling, then the baby started bawling, and there was a lot of discussion. Im still going though.

Stats: Familybreaker...

Day Eighty-one:

Today we sent Roran and Katrina and the kid back to elesmera with arya and firnen, and birtgit from carvahall tried to murder roran, but just cut his hand instead. Big whoop. I went off to the urgal village and talked to them a spell, and then over to vroengard to get them eggs and eldunari and stuff. Now I gotta go back to elesmera and say bye to the elvies. I did say goodbye to nasuada, and she did cry some, but so did jeod and I don't know what was up with that... weird. Well, alls well that ends well I suppose... sniff.

Stats: Just a wee bit sad... and never gonna use the word wee ever again

Day Eighty-two:

Back in elesmera. Made corndogs just outside the city limits and hid one in Arya's salad. She wasn't thrilled, but since she loves me she didn't try to whoop my behind. Roran and katrina however are thrilled to be here, and there driving me insane: ooooh look at that! Me: yeah, thats a tree. Them: and OH would you look over there! Me: another tree, THERE ALL TREES! Gosh people, get a life. Then I had to go talk to that dumb tree that wants something from me... and so I told the tree lady I was leaving alagaesia, and she just told me to get lost. Fine, I will.

Stats: stupid trees... so stupid...

Day Eighty-three:

for the past three days I have been catching up on my reading since I am a learned master of books and all that. Today I went and saw arya in tildari hall, and told her about my idea to let dwarves and urgals be riders too. Man... my lady can argue, but I eventually did talk her down. Then we had a lovely lunch, salad and salsa and basil chips... elves and their no meat thingie... you remember how im not vegan anymore, well yeah... this stinks. Just a little bit ago we gathered under the menoa tree with a whole bunch of people and those two weird dragon tattoo ladies came and did their little dance and poof the tattoo cam to life. Still just as freaky as the first time. I chatted with the tattoo dragon, whom I shall call Tatsy, and tatsy called me Kingkiller... ugh. Sure its a cute nickname, but it's also what galb used to call murtagh. Will I never escape the life of my brother! Good grief! Im WAY cooler than ol' murtsy. Okay so then I cast the spell that is absolutely, to everyone's agreement, the greatest piece of magic wrought in the past 1000 years.

Stats: Mr. grando cheifo importanto magic dude!

Day Eighty-four:

So arya totally threw the swingin'est bash to ever grace the city of elesmera last night in honor of **ahem** myself and my lordly accomplishment. All A-list guests I might add. There was a band all the way from Kirtan who are the latest thing, Arya wore this stunning new dress made completely out of old dragon scales, and I swear... someone snuck some bacon bits into one of the salads. Overall a pretty good night. I had a sudden headache though, and decided to take a short stroll along the egde of the trees. And bam... I ran into a piece of my past... Sloan. He was still blind and stuff. Well he got all mad at me because I inadvertantly sent roran and katrina to elesmera, and he still cant talk to them because of that spell I put on him. Well soooorrrry, I forgot about that little detail when I was busy SAVING THE WORLD! So I went all softy and let him have his eyes back, except I made them blue, not poopy brown. So now he can see his daughter and granddaughter, and the son in law he never wanted, but he still cant go talk to them... just watch like a creeper.

Stats: I just realised that MY eyes are brown... well poop...

Day Eighty-five:

we left elesmera today, had to say goodbye to katrina and my maybe-lovely niece, but roran and arya came with. We went to Silthrim and saw the ship that they built for us. I know i've seen that ship before... in an old dream... this was always meant to be. Now we're boating down the river, just a cruising. There is a lovely margarita bar in this boat. Arya and roran and I are curently playing old maid. There was an argument about who was going to lose. Roran says he technically can't lose because he's already married, and so he said I was going to be the old maid. But I said that couldn't be because I would probably marry arya someday. And he said that arya wouldn't be caught dead marrying me. And arya said actually that's not quite true because she actually did kinda dig me. And roran was shocked a little, and I said duh of course she digs me, I am a charming little rogue. Roran of course, being the butthead he is, had to retaliate, and said i'd still lose cuz im leaving alagaesia. FINE. Arya lost the frist hand.

Stats: Ship named Talita... okay elves...

Day Eighty-six:

there was a surpirse party as we reached Hedarth today. Orik and some other dwarves brought a whole bunch of Nargra for a farewell feast. We ate, we drank, we sang, we danced, we found out that roran can't sing or dance, and we got presents! Orik gave me this chest of rediculously sparkly gold and jewels. And they gave saphire a ring big enough for one of her claws. Then we stayed overnight in hedarth, and played truth or dare and never have I ever.

Stats: Roran has done laundry before the loser!

Day Eighty-seven:

Today was a loooong day... I had to say goodbye to my foster-brother Orik today, which was sad. Then we met back up with the Talita and had to sail for hours. And then... I had to leave Roran behind... maybe forever. I gave him the stuff Orik gave me, so he wouldn't go broke and starve. I guess I really do care about the big lug. I told him to take care of himself and his family, and that i'd call him on the magic mirror from time to time, and to let murtagh stop in if he passes by since he's basically a homeless guy now. So as we were sailing away, roran literally WAILS in sadness at my parting... well for heavens sake! Real men NEVER wail, its just not right. Real men shed a single and don't even bother wiping it away. Fail roran... fail. So then we floated slowly toward the end of the known world, way out of sight of roran and hedarth and all those places. Then as arya and I floated toward the vast unknown, we whispered each other's true names a couple times, because thats just a nice thing to do apparently, and then I was gonna tell her how much I loved her, since it was down to the last minute now, but she just put three fingers on my lips to stop me, a gesture only truly in-love people do. Then she raised her arm over her head, and Firnen scooped her off the deck and then she left... Arya... left... the love of my life... Gone. No kiss. Ughhhhhh! After everything we'd been through... she couldn't even give me one real kiss? I'm mad about this, and I figure that since I may not even see her again ever, I can just stay mad forever. Okay then. So now here we are, no longer in alagaesia, and i've been thinking. It's the bachelor life for me, yes sir. Here I am, the free adventuring rogue type, just like... murtagh! Uggghhh, that image didn't end well, but I literally JUST thought of it. Bummer. Not really stoked about living as murt's double, but hey, maybe we'll meet up someday and go rogueing together! Who knows, Me and saphira are gonna be with each other forever, and I know there are tons of adventures still to come. I mean let's be real here, I am only 17! my life can't be totally over so soon. Though frankly I feel wise and mature. And so there we were, saling off alone, with some eggs, eldunari, and a couple elves... we watched alagaesia slowly sink away behind us, and I took the liberty of shedding that single manly tear we talked about earlier, I certainly did NOT wail. And saphira, since shes a girl, was totally within the bounds of expectation when she bawled her eyes out for an hour or two. Man... I can't believe she didn't kiss me..

Epilogue: JUST KIDDING! She totally kissed me! What kind of barbarian plot ending would leave out a kiss between the guy who recently saved the world, and the totally hot elf chick? That would be a pointless ending! And so I was actually perfectly happy as I sailed off, and as I rounded that last river bend I threw my fist up in the air and held it there for like five well justified minutes of triumph. YES! She kissed me at last. And I really presented an awesome silhouette against the full moon, with my fist pumping the air. LIKE A BOSS... Eragon Shadeslayer OUT!


End file.
